- Doesn't understand why
everybody doesn't speak gikuyu and is disappointed they can't stand hearing
speak roundly to his friend (on the phone, in hospital, in the Indian Ocean, in
Plaistow)...- Doesn't buy mercedes, he buys ka-plot.
- A kikuyu doesn't do romance, it costs mbecha.
- Go to the bar without a godfather kofia
- Does not know how to cook pilau...his idea of pilau is cooking rice and then putting yellowish colouring (pilau njeri/mwitu!)
- Don't know how to cook food without cabbages
- You cannot be one and not own a pick up... how now! This is for those weekend trips to see an eighth of an acre plot in Isinya. The plot has nothing but dreams of how he will sell it twice the value in a years time!... Oh and the poor wife has to sit in the back coz the guy has to pick his cousin to go show him a piece of dry grass....
- Does not walk side by side with the wife, the poor woman trots along at a distance behind…or be going to the bus/matatu stop, I will find you there.
- Need more than one pair of socks and underwear!
- Does not Give consideration for a urinal or toilet. Usually constructs with leftovers from a main building.
-You ask him why the Urinal is dirty and he says the place is for dumping human waste and dump sites are never kept clean.
- A proper kikuyu does not enjoy his meat if the place is not smoky and dark even at 1pm!
- A kikuyu doesn’t---Introduce his family by names.... they are introduced in wholesale "aya ni andu akwa". (MY FAVOURITE) and men introduce their spouses as "uyu niwe mama wa gwakwa" Or "Uyu niwe nyina wa ciana" Uyu niwe uria ngwiraga. Mundu niwe uyu. Ino niyo mama ya gwakwa. U yu niwe nyina wa andu.Niwakiona my item. ewakiona Mathena makwa. Ino niyo momo yakwa. Niwakiona mathena makwa. Uyu niwe thanduraga ta embe! Haha niho mushara uthiaga. Niwakiona gitomi kia kuinoka. Uyu niwe Yes! Yes! Newakiona people wa Me! Uyu niwe mwene ido. Niwakiona haria ciana cia rutire urimo. [You can now see where the kids got their stupidity] Niurakimeona *pointing with the car key* [You can see her * pointing with the car key] Uyu niwe thanduraga ta mbembe. Ni wakiona indo ciakwa. [Can you now see my stuff] Niwakiona people ya me. Niwakiona kiria gitumaga nyinuke tene? [This is the reason I go home early] Uyu niwe nyina wa adu. [This is the mother of my kids] Keki iyo wa miona atia? [How have you seen that cake] Uyu niwe mwene indo! Ino niyo MOMO yakwa [This is my 'momo'] uyu niwe njata yakwa [This is my star] Niwakiona mathina makwa. [Can you now see the root to all my problems]
Uyo niwe ajekaga gal a bubble. Gìkì nì kìo gìtheremende kìa ngoro yakwa. Ucio ni we uthokagia hethabu ciakwa... [This is the one who has been spoiling my mathematics] Niwakiona [You can now see] Mutiakiona haria handaga muti [That is where I plant the tree] Uyu niwe utumaga juke wira dimunogu [She is the reason I always come to work tired] Niwe wanjiguire tha. [She is the only one who felt pity on me] Nìwakiona thirikari [Here is the government]
- Does not live in Buruburu/ South B, Kileleshwa or Lavington..... he is a landlord there. He lives in Komarock /Rongai
- Admit that he is raking in tonnes of cash...he answers "tunajaribu tu" to the question of how well business is doing.
-He'd rather live in a house that's still under construction than pay rent
- Does not use funky names for his business. Njugunas, Gicheris, Kamaus, Wa Mwangi, Wa Peter, Waitherero, etc will do just fine. A version involving his names and spouses will be fine as well; Muthokam Enterprises (Muthoni-Kamau), Jokabi Butchery (John-Nyokabi).
..only shrub in spoken English but also written language.. - Cannot say "Santa's short suit shrunk" ...or the butcher threw the liver in the river, L and R are the same.
- hardly carries a wallet...prefers to keep money at various locations just in case...
- Introduces his son any other way other than: Giki nikio kimwana giakwa.
Translated: Hiki ndicho Kikijana changu. Kana uyu niwe ithe wa ruriri, muthee wa guitu
..feel complete without owning a pair of brown shoes Previously, it was Savco and Northstar
- when a Kikuyu lady is angry, you only hear the first and last words in her very long sentences:
we ūthire اشتروا بيتي زبد مريرا مريرا ولكن بيتي ما شراء الزبدة أكثر من
غيرها مرارة مريرة شراء الزبدة بيتي ngūkū……..typical !
-Take home meat that was eaten at a gathering. He would rather go back for the remaining organs the next day than carry a piece for his family as he considers it to be a curse.
- Does not know how to fail. That’s not in a kikuyus foco (vocabulary)
- Always has more than one side hustle, kunyitithania tumawira hapa na pale…..Kienyu na kienyu itunganaga muhuko!
- Only in supermarkets will he pay the actual cost of an item, coz there is no bargaining with the till counter!
- They are found in all sectors. And I mean All!......ukuria withie mariokwo, wathie wanjinga, turiokwo, kakamega-turiokwo, santa-babra, turiokwo. China, turiokwo, Iceland…..
Does not know how to pronounce certain words: Agriculture – Ngirigasha, Kwanza – kwaja, Pliers – furaithi, Rachel, Daniel-ndenyo, move straight- mufutiti, – Lacho, Cholmondeley - Shoromondo…Shomondre
Even when he buys a high end vehicle like a Prado, it will be used to ferry bananas and other farm produce, goats for slaughter etc.
-He spends 12 hours scouring back and forth on Kirinyaga road, shuffling back and forth on Uhuru highway strangled with all manner of assortments-pliers, dawa ya meno, dawa ya mende, tochi, radios, steeling etc, or walking up and down Nyayo hauthi brokering passports. Harafu unamwabia jioni aripe jym. Hio ni kupotesa mbesha!!!!!! Chidwe
- during an introduction Their Women like to refer themselves as, "Mama njeri, Mama Ken, Mama Shiku, Mama Waithera" etc instead of "Mrs Kamau, Mrs Otieno, Mrs Nyachae or Mrs Kinyua." Reference to the husband is usually kept at the periphery. Or the new upgrade( promulgated) version "Wa Ken" Wa Njeri" Wa Shiro" etc….the dotcom generation….
Will be seen in a city street corner shouting"mede mede mede" with two small packets of a fake powder in his hands only to disappear as soon as it starts to rain and will be back in a few minutes with humbrerras!!!! Very creative and enterprising.
Does a white collar Job in town but uses a probox so that it doubles as a matatu on weekdays to carry neighbours to town at a fee and transport thara to the farm over the weekend. And ferry eggs and milk from his Ruiru/Kiambu/Ruai/Juja/Kinoo home to his workmates and the kiosks neighboring his work place.
- Does not have any problems that cannot be directly related to Moi or Raila, kamwana ni gaitu
- Doesnt buy a 4 x 4 because the tires cost 19K each yet the one for a pro-box costs only 3K and he can interchange it with the neighbor. Ati ninunue mguu ya ngari 19k, kwani inakunja na barabara……..
- Does not miss a graduation. Not because a relative or friend is graduating but to hawk those flashy 'flowers'- mostly rejects from the nearby flower farms, cards and 'picha sa hapo hapo'
All Kikuyus named Kamau have another name to disambiguate:
Kamau Mbeca, Kamau makanika, Kamau wa premio, Kamau wa ngūkū, Kamau waa Mwangi, Kamau wa thimū, Kamau camera, Kamau wa buroti, Kamau mwarimo, Kamau fetinari . . .
And some quite comical: Kamau njuírí, Kamau ngima, Kamau thufu, Kamau kígego, Kamau ngírí . . .
...a kikuyu lady doesn't leave 'kids' behind. Hata wale wako na miaka forte hubebwa na kwenda na mama yao
Sentences you will never hear a Kikuyu pronounce…
Keep Change, Nimekusamehea hiyo deni, Kaa na pesa yangu, Sitanunua Toyota
You are not a proper
kikuyu man if you have taken out a goat….mburi ya athuri, or drank from a horn filled with Muratina, a locally brewed
drink.
- Refers other tribes as "eno nii nduriri" nyamu cia ruguru, It's like other tribes are animals.
An angry Kikuyu man will call you all manner of animal names: ngui ῖno, ng’ombe ῖno, mbūri ῖno, funda ῖno, thegere . . .
Guys I could go on and on and on.......
- Refers other tribes as "eno nii nduriri" nyamu cia ruguru, It's like other tribes are animals.
An angry Kikuyu man will call you all manner of animal names: ngui ῖno, ng’ombe ῖno, mbūri ῖno, funda ῖno, thegere . . .
Guys I could go on and on and on.......
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