Posted Tuesday, March 26 2013
In Summary
“I have come to accept that my husband has many
‘wives’. There is the one whom he considers his best friend and asks for
his counsel, the one who gives him the quickest remedies for a simple
disease so that he does not need to go to hospital, the one he spends
his Friday with till around 3am and the one he spends time with on
Saturday afternoons as they enjoy their nyama choma (roasted
meat) and plenty of drinks and no, not fruit juice. Not forgetting the
one who makes fun of him when he is with his wife in the evenings.”
These were the words from Wangui, a frustrated
wife, explaining her dilemma regarding her husband. From her story you
have probably figured that the ‘wives’ are not actually clandestine
women but his male friends who contribute significantly to his life.
“These ‘dudes’ are the ones I have come to
consider more important than me, the ones he considers to be the
ultimate advisors,” she added. Clearly, she was unhappy with the
influence her husband’s ‘boys’ were having on his life.
So “dude”, how much pressure do get from your
‘boys’? Have you ever felt inclined to do or say something that you
actually didn’t quite believe in or wanted to do? Does this influence
affect your mental, social or physical health? Could this be the reason
men die younger than women?
Men's shorter lifespans
Longevity is definitely not an advantage for men.
Men are taller, stronger and faster than women however they are more
likely to be overweight. Between the ages of 15 years and 24 years, more
men than women die mainly due to motor vehicle accidents, homicide, gun
violence, suicide, cancer and drowning. This increase in deaths in
younger men has been shown to be related to the spiking of the sex
hormone testosterone.
Testosterone is what defines men: aggressiveness,
high libido and competitiveness. Researchers ascribe the male mortality
to what is known as ‘testosterone toxicity’. The genetic difference in
men and women also affects death rates.
Men have XY chromosomes while women have XX .These
carry genetic information that make your body function well. If there
is a problem in the chromosomes diseases e.g. cancer can occur.
When women have one X chromosome that is abnormal,
the other can use the normal gene and avoid expression of disease, On
the other hand, men cannot rely on an alternative chromosome and if a
gene on one of the sex chromosomes is defective, there is normally no
alternative.
As men age, their lifestyles in their youth
determine their illnesses in their older age. Lifestyles of alcohol use,
smoking, lack of exercise and poor eating habits begin to show as
illnesses such as heart disease, diabetes and strokes which are leading
causes of death in men as they turn 50. At this point, the long term
effects of testosterone appear.
According to research, testosterone increases
levels of the bad cholesterol and reduces levels of good cholesterol in
the blood. This puts the men at greater risk of developing heart disease
and stroke.
The information about men’s shorter lifespans can
be scary, however we need to look at social factors that greatly
influence men’s health habits.
Unbeknown to many, society plays a big role in the
development of the men. One of the biggest influences is his male
counterparts or the people Wangui referred to as the ‘boys’.
Negative influences
Despite appearing independent, strong and assured,
men depend on other men. This co-dependence by men has them open to
influence. However this co-dependence is not always open as society
tends to misinterpret when men show affection towards each other.
Men influence each other in peer groups or in
cliques. Pressure from peers (age mates) is a major contributor towards
men’s health and their behaviour. Peer groups offer a sense of feeling
valued and a sense of belonging, they give one somewhere to fit in,
there is increased self-confidence, a sense of security by being
understood due to acceptance in the group.
The peer group also offers a safe place to test
values and increasingly gives one a chance to practice getting along
with others. They help in developing friendships, one learns to
practice give and take and also not forget the influence the peer groups
have in making decisions about their life.
These groups can either make men or break men.
They can make men live healthy lifestyles, exercise, be spiritual, work
harder, be better workmates as attested by Pastor Nicholas Katale of
Hope United Church in Lavington who said “Men can influence each other
in their friendships in various ways. Men are known to be people who are
not open. They like retreating in their “caves”.
Whereas there is some truth in it, the relationships they have
do influence each other. I have an accountability partner who is a man.
This is a relationship that has been there for over ten years now. One
thing that has happened is that I have become more confident and
passionate about what I do”.
On the flipside, men seem to unknowingly lead each
other to early graves. Nowadays it is common to see men gathered
together in the evenings and over the weekends drinking alcohol and
eating unhealthy foods mostly fried food or nyama choma (roasted meat).
A trend that is now common is that a large number
of these men are overweight and their bellies are protruding. Little do
they know that this increases their chances of getting, high cholesterol
levels, high blood pressure, arthritis, obesity, diabetes and heart
diseases significantly.
Moderate alcohol use is frowned upon by the ‘boys’
and getting drunk on Fridays and Saturdays evenings is considered
normal with Sunday being the designated recovery day with the family.
Although this may seem harmless, the damage that
long term use of excess alcohol has on the body and society is immense.
Pancreatitis (inflammation of the pancreas), Gastritis (inflammation of
the stomach wall), alcohol addiction, gout, obesity, low libido, liver
cirrhosis(liver scarring), liver cancer, low blood sugar (hypoglycemia),
road traffic accidents, risky sexual behaviour and domestic strife are
but some of the effects of alcohol use.
When a member of a peer group or clique decides to
refrain or slow down, it is not uncommon to hear him being chided for
not being a ‘man’.
They pressurise him using threats, insults or
guilt in order to influence him to join him. This kind of pressure has
led to many young men having their first sexual encounters early in
their teens because they are tired of being taunted about being virgins.
The young men, ignoring the list of potential
dangers, engage in sex and a majority of times it is unsafe. Could this
be the reason we have a large number of young people living with HIV?
Promiscuity and reckless sexual behaviour
involving multiple partners can also be caused by influence from peers
as men dare each other or brag of their conquests. It is usually seen as
uncool not to have multiple sexual partners.
Pastor Katale adds “I have also seen that some of
the other negative influences (of friends) have been especially in areas
of relationships, marriage, work and life status”.
So how do we manage this pressure from peers? It
is difficult but not impossible. Men are in these groups so as to fit
and have a sense of belonging. However if these men have unsure about
themselves they may end up doing whatever the group tells them to do.
They follow easily so as not to be left out of the group ultimately
fearing rejection.
If men are self-confident, assertive, and follow
their instincts they will end up doing things they are comfortable with.
Health wise that would mean moderating the amount of alcohol drank,
limit food intake, improve choices of food and also manage time for the
‘boys’ and the family. This may sound simple and logical but it is an
enormous task that men have to grapple with every day.
Pastor Katale concludes “A man can be your best
friend or worst enemy if they lose the big picture on friendship. The
standard should be one that builds somebody and does not take away in
every area of life — social, economic, spiritual, financial. Hebrews
10:24 talks of how we should “spur one another towards love and good
deeds.”
As Wangui grapples with her family predicament, we
only hope her husband manages to realise the effects his time with the
‘boys’ is having on his health and his body early enough.
Just a note, though things may look grim for the
male species, living longer for women doesn’t necessarily mean better
health. Women may live long but they may also suffer chronic conditions
such as arthritis, osteoporosis and auto immune disorders.
Send your health questions to nation@askadoc.co.ke
No comments:
Post a Comment