Clean men a turn off to women?

Monday, April 29, 2013 ·

It is assumed that women are extremely keen on personal hygiene and cleanliness, but as LYDIA LIMBE writes, while dirty men are a no go zone, women aren’t falling over themselves to ensnare men who are ‘too clean’ either

When Catherine first met Patrick, she was struck by his meticulous sense of order. He looked sharp, like a male model straight from a magazine and he was lean, tall and confident.

Lillian, on the other hand, met Morris on her first day in campus. She thought he was cute and was immediately taken in by his neat dreadlocks. She also noticed that he went to great lengths to avoid getting his shoes stepped on.

Blossom

Obviously attracted to the ‘extraordinary’, love quickly blossomed for these two young women. But it didn’t take long for them to notice there was something untoward about the men who made their hearts flutter.

“Morris and I were taking the same course. So one day, we went to his room for a group assignment. By that time, we had been to several rooms in the men’s hostels and we never used to take our shoes off because their rooms were untidy anyway,” Lillian says.

“But as we were just stepping into Morris’ room, he threw a tantrum and jumped down from the upper decker of a bed. To our shock, he ordered us to take our shoes off, which he took and threw on the corridor, saying they were muddy and he’d just mopped the room.

“Of course, we were appalled — you don’t expect that from a guy. The room was sparkling clean though with stark white curtains and bedcovers. It was weird,” Lillian remembers.

Catherine, on the other hand, recalls that when she first visited Patrick, she was amazed at how neat he was.

“Every time I went to his house, he would serve me juice or some other drink. Immediately I was done, he’d wash and dry both glasses and then place them neatly on a small shelf,” says Catherine.

Pink beddings

Initially, she thought he was doing this to avoid piling up dishes, which he didn’t like to clean when all piled up, like most men do. But when she spent the night at his place, she realised she was dealing with a weird fellow.

“His beddings were pink, with about six pillows on the bed — like in a hotel. As we settled for the night, he took out the bedcover, folded it neatly and placed it on a small wooden box beside the bed. Then he took the pillows and placed them in the box, leaving only two for use,” Catherine says with a laugh.

“In the morning, he took out all the bedding, including the pillowcases. When I asked him why, he explained that when he’s alone, he changes his sheets every two days. But since we’d slept in them, he’d to change them. It me feel so dirty,” Catherine adds.

None of this, however, compares with Njeri’s experiences with her married West African boyfriend.

“Before we made out, we had a very rigorous cleaning routine. We’d clip and remove imaginary dirt beneath our nails, shave, and floss our teeth. Every single time,” recalls Njeri.

“That’s not all. Whenever we got back into his car, he’d immediately that when he’s alone, he changes his sheets every two days. But since we’d slept in them, he’d have to change them. It made me feel dirty,” Catherine adds.

None of this, however, compares with Njeri’s experiences with her married West African boyfriend.

“Before we made out, we had a rigorous cleaning routine. We’d clip and remove imaginary dirt beneath our nails, shave, and floss our teeth. Every single time,” recalls Njeri.

“That’s not all. Whenever we got back into his car, he’d immediately start wiping his shoes. He’d make me clean mine, a trait that has stuck with me to date. I became such a neat freak myself,” she adds.

It didn’t take long before these three young women started wondering whether their men were normal.

“After campus, we used to visit each other in our respective little pads. One day, I visited him and made sausages for breakfast. Morris took one bite, looked at me, got up and made a beeline for the kitchen. Next thing I hear is him re-frying the sausages,” says Lillian, still upset by the memory.

“That was not the first time he did that. Another time, I made pork for dinner. He took it, washed it out again, and refried it. I was so upset we didn’t speak for weeks!” adds Lillian.

“When we finally patched things up, I went back to his place for a visit. It happened to be the same day the periodic housekeeper had just cleaned his house. I made lunch (he was not in at the time).

“When he came home, the moment he walked into the kitchen, he began noticing small, tiny specks of dirt on the kitchen floor and mentioning them in a very condescending way. This guy had poor eyesight. He wore thick lenses. But he could see ‘my’ dirt. That was the last straw for me,” says Lillian.

Outbursts

For Catherine, after the initial shock wore off, she started looking on the bright side.

“I got used to his neat-freak traits after a while and it was nice to be with someone who took care of the details personally. That took pressure off me, because I’m not too keen on housekeeping,” she says.

“But one day, things took a different  turn. Every time I made my hair, he would pick out something wrong with it. He’d comment on my scalp, saying I need to pay more attention to it, comment on my nails or rubbish my choice of nail polish,” said Catherine, shaking her head from the memory.

Her boyfriend’s continued outbursts made her feel uncomfortable, unworthy in her own eyes, so she opted out.

Surprisingly, Lillian also had a similar experience with Morris.

“I’ve had short hair most of my life. So after university, I started to grow it. I didn’t know much about how to handle long hair, so it was simply trial and error for me,” she says.

“But being with Morris just killed it for me. He’d criticise everything I did. I used to itch whenever my hair was plaited. Imagine he would send me out of the sitting room to wash my hands whenever he caught me scratching my hair,” says Lillian with a frown.

Perfectionist

“I remember one day I came from washing my hands and he told me to go back and wash them afresh. Whoa! He’s never seen me since!” says Lillian, giggling uncontrollably.

Njeri never suffered such humiliation but quickly learned that his fetish for cleanliness was a way of coping with a deeper malaise.

“A lot of things were crumbling around him. His family was broken. His children were spoilt rotten, because he was not bold or decisive enough to take charge,” she says, looking sad. “It felt like taking care of an infant. It was so exhausting I opted out.”

On the flipside, there are women who don’t mind such men. Dorcas Ngugi, for instance, is very categorical about hygiene. She is a perfectionist and wants nothing short of a well-groomed man — a metro sexual, to be precise.

“I just can’t stand a dirty man. I don’t care whether you reside in a bush or under a rock but if I am to date you, proper grooming is a prerequisite. If I find a man’s house disorganised and dirty, like a workshop of some sort, I never return,” says Dorcas firmly.

“Being a real man shouldn’t be about neglecting to brush your teeth. Scruffy side burns, bushy beards, unkempt hair, dirty socks and general untidiness instantly turn me off,” she says.

Disorder

Psychologists say men who are ridiculously neat freak suffer from an anxiety disorder called obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), which if not kept in check, can subject one to negative social effects like ruining relationships and friendships.

Pauline Akinyi has a more simplistic view: “If man’s house is it ‘too neat’, he must be cheating on me. There has to be another woman keeping him clean. A good man should be untidy then he will need a woman to sort him out. Men who are too neat don’t need women. They can stress you to hell if you get romantically involved with them.”

So if you are male and own ten white handkerchiefs, 15 pairs of shoes, sleep in pink sheets and your house is spotlessly clean, you might not be walking a bride down the isle any time soon.-THE STANDARD