Is she in love with you or is it just your money and fancy title?

Posted  Monday, April 22  2013 at  21:00

There is nothing as interesting as a bit of dramatic television to bring out the incorrigible nature of social media. As recently witnessed on a local television show, a woman who fancied herself as one of the “posh types”, claimed that she did not eat chips. Or fries. Or whatever you call potatoes after they have been subjected to a bit of chopping and a lot of deep frying. Why? Too classy for chips.

Welcome to the future of dating, and yet we wonder why relationships go wrong.

If I was to look at this from a blunt perspective, — and this is something I have experienced a lot lately — there are as many fake men out there as there are fake women. And as we keep seeing, television is bringing out the very stereotypes people try not to accept as real or factual.

So, what are the common stereotypes now coming out of the closet?

Money is important

Often debated, it always rears its ugly head when you least expect it. Money is important in any relationship. And we are not just talking about money to buy drinks and catch a cab home and other university life fluff; we are talking about dinners that cost you an arm, a leg, and rent. Women swear they will love you for who you are, not how much you earn or have.

Wake up and smell the coffee. If you live in one of those expensive apartments and find yourself getting evicted due to lack of rent, see how long she sticks around. It will also be around this time that she starts experiencing issues. Too busy with career, studies, or just plain ignoring you.

Money is a key aspect of any relationship and it is, indeed, wise to consider the financial stability of a would-be suitor. But there are limits. Women do not understand that men are not supposed to pay their rent (unless they live together) or foot hair salon bills or give pocket money.

It is a degenerative and unfair imposition on a man who has to also save in the hope that one day, a bit of diamond dust might impress and con a woman into being a Mrs Note. A baby in the oven usually solves that trick, but babies too do not eat love and hope.

Some women are ‘classy’

To be honest, the poor woman probably likes the idea of fencing. She watched a James Bond movie and quite fancied the idea that fencing is one of those upper-class things that you simply must mention to get noticed by the well-to-do.

In Kenya, fencing is just one of those things one does when one buys a new plot somewhere. In the very same Kenya, the upper crust honour belongs to the gents on horseback gallivanting on polo fields.

It is not rocket science to see that girls who meet men on television shows generally have no idea where the polo field is. Not a golf club, that is common money, but a polo field.

So when you see girls wandering around Muthaiga or Karen Golf Club in evening dresses chasing golfers on a windy sunny afternoon, or wearing a pair of shorts and a straw hat that really belongs in Mombasa, then the intent is very telling.

A woman should realise that the man “putting” or “baulking” is likely already spoken for and if he takes the bait, then she is almost guaranteed to be a side dish. And the more she fakes being classy, the more she will be indulged. But do not take my word for it; there is a movie titled Le Dîner de Cons that shows where class begins and ends.

Beauty is everything

Every man has specific preferences of the kind of woman he finds attractive, as do women, but in this sphere, men tend to be more fickle.

If there is anything a man learns over the course of his bachelorhood, it is to spot a raving non-crazy beauty who is a shoe-in, not just in outward beauty but also inside. That varies however, from bachelor to bachelor, and often with very amusing results.

There is the occasional height difference, skin tone preferences, weight preferences, and what not that sort of guide a guy to find his way through a myriad of girls to “the one”.

Sadly, there is no such thing as the perfect fit; after all, it is “romance”, not a jigsaw puzzle. A couple of years back , a gold digger advertised herself on Craig’s list as being beautiful and classy and looking for a man who earned at least $500,000 (Sh42 million) a year as she had specific agendas his money could solve.

A potential suitor pointed out that she was a depreciating asset. She failed to recognise that he, due to his ever-increasing income, would keep appreciating in value. He crudely elaborated why — in terms of her waning beauty — her so-called value would only depreciate.

Beauty fades as the years pass, especially for those who value it more than real meaningful connections, but the gist of it is, women will trade off beauty for a fancy surname or a man with a title (and I do not mean deed), a deed that declares immeasurable tracts of land, or to join a family stoked in wealth or a fancy car and an apartment. Here is the reverse trade off.

In the end, beauty expires and since it was never out of love, love of money quickly turns into loathsome hate which consumes.

The woman becomes a strange hag with a bad attitude who eventually finds out that she might have to share her husband with other women half her age and size.

Case and point, beauty is a blessing, but it is not that much of a commodity. Being called beautiful has made many women develop huge egos, to a point they look in the mirror and imagine that Beyoncé has nothing on them. Think again.

A man must have the talk

There is that fellow who is genuinely smart. He is well read, well travelled and when he opens his mouth to articulate his opinions, he becomes a god, revered by many. He could be a useless fellow in every other department, but it is his tongue, and how sharp it is that makes him the one.

With his tongue, he expresses his charisma, his sexuality, but for all you know, his pocket could have only Sh20, not that being broke is a bad thing, but remember, money is important.

A man is as good as his word and according to women, those must be very good words. Having debonair flair means that you must be able to call someone a fool in a way that does not seem insulting but is actually worse than a cuss word. Women love this sort of guy, the guy who says very few words, but in those few, he has wooed her. Shakespeare talk of the future, we call it.

Silver tongued devils are in plenty and girls stereotypically believe that the smoother the tongue, the better the man.

A fool’s race indeed. The conundrum of talk is actually one for the witty. Some women would believe everything a man tells them because of the way it is said.

If he said it right, it could not have been a lie. You have seen those women who hand over their life savings to men because when his tongue did the walking, she could not resist.

Not everything a man tells you is true. We all know this. Even I am guilty of this when need be, when the girl just is not getting into the right gear, or as we used to say, “when you are not tuning her right”.

A man with a silver tongue can have his way with any woman, regardless of age, sexual orientation, relationship situation, or any other bias in place.

So why do women keep falling for the same old thing even when they know he is lying? Hate me for it, but it is a fact. Women are like sheep. Point a staff and call it a name and they respond. And they will respond to every single lie you tell them if you can sell it. Forget virtue, have a nice story and she is yours.

So where are we going from here? For men? Getting married has become that much more of a life variable.

After all, a man can get a “baby mama”, then spend the rest of your life frolicking with as many girls as their appetites can consume.

All this comes with the extra convenience of not only having a wife but children, heirs to the throne of the kingdom he is building, all secured with a monthly cheque.

However, some lads currently find themselves staring at a depreciating asset with a ring on it in community of property. So they default to the next best natural thing. A side dish or two.

After all, they could feel that the world hates them for tricking them into being a husband, so in the end they figure, why not just live a little. Well, goods once sold are really not refundable.

Or maybe, just maybe, Zeus spins it in a way that man finds himself single with no strings attached, including no paternal responsibilities. What then? I guarantee you, another marriage will be a well-considered issue if one ever allows it to happen again.

For women? It is back to shorts and miniskirts and chasing men in high-end pubs and what not. After all, that curvaceous young lithe body must be delectable to some rich bloke somewhere. But for women, it is a lot trickier.

You see, a man can easily duck nine-month responsibilities by simply disappearing.

For a woman, the ball is in her court for nine months and 20-something years, and whether or not there is a supporting man in that picture, the next 20-something years involve standing before a mirror watching litheness escape and regret creeping in.

They will never admit it, but the deep soulful haze in their eyes tells all. In the end, more women will fall prey to the “you-are-beautiful-I-want-you-but-I-have-no-protection” lie.

Men will father children with women they have no intention of marrying and women will try trapping men with children who will be denied and the vicious cycle will continue.

Long story short, Mother Nature is ruthless and she works in tandem with Karma.

Whatever the Almighty will not be dealing with in the afterlife ends up in their court and you get exactly what you give.

Just remember, for every person you lied to, cheated on, judged because of “financial motivations”, looks, and whatever other list you may have, you will pay those debts right here, in public, and it will suck.

Karma and Mother Nature do not know religion or culture, but they do know earthly justice. So ladies, why not have the grace of Princess Bagaaya
?