We immediately vowed never to go anywhere near boys, as we wanted to be associated with neither bad manners, big stomachs nor babies. Back in the 90s, my little brother and little sister were sharing the bathroom. They were two and three years old respectively. Out of the blues, she realised that she was missing something in her anatomy.
It was so distressing for her that she immediately started to scream ‘Na iko wapi kitu yangu? Nataka kitu yangu hata mimi!’ This was before we had gotten a chance to explain to her that bodies of boys and girls look different. Looking at the above scenarios, it is clear that the need for reproductive health information starts early in life.
As children grow up, parents are faced with unexpected questions, which many struggle to answer. Often, these are asked when least expected, like when dashing out to work, in the middle of the vegetable market or in the evening when one is tired, having just spent the day solving 1001 work problems. During family TV time advertisements on condoms, sanitary pads, Mpango Wa Kando and any kissing scenes are met with the embarrassed lowering of eyelids.
At this time, the living room occupants also make sudden dashes to the kitchen for salt and feign renewed interest in last week’s newspaper. Parents are usually so engrossed in the immediate discomfort that these media scenes cause, that they may not realise that these times make for the perfect teachable moments. This is more so, if children are at an age when they can comprehend what is going on.
So why is it so important for parents to be involved in reproductive health education of their children? Preliminary findings of a survey carried out in Kenya shows that Kenyan children are starting to have sex as early as ten years, with girls having more of it. Most children have had their first sexual experience by the time they celebrate their 20th birthday.
Going by these and other statistics, there is a clear need for multi-sector involvement in providing reproductive health education and parents bear the greatest responsibility for the health and wellbeing of their children. Emily Silayi, a reproductive health specialist and a mother of three teenagers advises parents to start serious talks about sex as early as nine years. At this age children have some information about sex and parents need to work with the information that the child already has. “It is important for the nine-year-olds to know the risks that come with risky sexual behaviour. At this age, children may have myths and misconceptions about sex and these need to be addressed.
For instance, if your daughter believes that having sex while standing is safe, she needs to know that it is not. If a boy believes that his penis will shrink if he doesn’t have sex, he needs to know the truth,” Emmy says. Emmy believes that children need to feel safe enough to trust their parents with their secrets. This will allow them to report any unusual incidents that happen to them such as when an adult asks them to play ‘special games’ that involve sexual organs” There are about 104,000 children who are infected with HIV nationally every year according to the Kenya National Aids Indicator Survey of 2012.
Even more distressing is that six out of ten of these children’s parents are unaware that their children are HIV infected, meaning that these children may not get the healthcare that they need. “Uninformed early initiation into sex by minors also means that they are at greater risk of other sexually transmitted infections and unplanned pregnancy. These affect both boys and girls,” Emmy warns.
Even academic performance will suffer, as early sexual relationships leads to inability to focus on studies because of the distractions and complications that come with managing romantic relationships at an early age. Emmy is also concerned about the increasing abuse of the emergency pill. “Girls in secondary and tertiary institutions require education on the use of various family planning options for their own health and safety. For instance, when the E-pill is used more than three times a year, this abuse increases the risks of cancer of the cervix as well as secondary infertility,” Emmy explains.
Often times, reproductive health education from well-intentioned parents goes something like ‘Don’t sleep around or you will get pregnant and drop out of school’, or ‘Take care of yourself so that you don’t get HIV and die like so and so…’ or even ‘Good girls wait until marriage to enjoy sex with their husbands’. In addition to this, teenagers are also faced with conflicting messages on reproductive health, leaving them at cross roads. Religious bodies teach them to say ‘No’ to sex, the civil society encourage them to explore safer options, their peers say ‘Just do it!’ and some websites show them a variety of ways on how to do it.
This is why reproductive health messages need to be deeper and more personalised. Adolescents need guidance on how to handle raging adolescence hormones, wet dreams, growing breasts and sexual desire. Teenagers struggle CHILDRENwith mad attraction to the tall boy or pretty girl in class as well as worries about pregnancy.
They need to know they can trust an adult to guide them on how to look for help and answers in the right places. Emmy encourages parents to teach their children about reproductive health through the teenage phase. “At around 15 years, these children have a lot of information and may also be acting out of social influence. Parents need to continue telling their children of the dangers of negative peer influence, as well as inter-generational relationships. When adults entice teenagers with goodies in exchange for sexual favours, the risks of unintended pregnancies and STIs increase,” shares Emmy.
Parents cannot rely entirely on the sex education provided in learning institutions. Most of it is science oriented, yet sexuality is multi-faceted and includes social and behavioral aspects. These often ignored elements include such topics as adopting appropriate personal values, making informed decisions, understanding safer options regarding sex, learning assertive negotiating skills as well as acquiring health seeking behaviour.
Some schools of thought also insist that teaching young children about sex predisposes them to early experimentation. Simon Blake, of young people’s sexual health charity Brook, thinks differently about the matter. “It’s a myth that sex education encourages children to be more promiscuous or have sex at an early age. In fact, evidence demonstrates this type of education helps children and young people resist pressures to get involved in activities that might damage their health,” says Mr Blake. Clearly, parents cannot completely relegate this essential responsibility of reproductive health education to third parties. To do so would be to gamble with the life and health of their children. As statistics have demonstrated, it is too costly to sidestep this very crucial parental duty
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