Of sperm thieves and proud baby daddies

Women are glad to be called babymamas

October 26th 2013
By Silas Nyanchwani
You know the world is ending when you hear a woman introduce a man as her baby-daddy. And the man stands there unflinching, like the Nyayo monument. The two 30-something women, well fed, had run into each other in the supermarket where I overheard this. The man, also in his 30s, looked perfectly sensible, even though he sported a stud in one ear. I have never overheard something whackier.
At what point in a man’s life do you accept such a designation? The word baby-daddy has a number of connotations: “loser,” “irresponsible,” add “stupid” too. Such a man is not worth his two wrinkled b***s. There is even a popular television series based on the foibles and the vicissitudes of being a baby daddy. Holy St Francis!
How did we get here? The institution of fatherhood has never been so desecrated. African-America men are notorious absentee parents. I didn’t know Nairobi is becoming another city of young toto mamas and chest-thumping baby daddies.

Bolting after putting a woman in the family way was normal in years past, especially when no intentions of domesticating her were on the cards. A few showed up, supported the baby even. But mostly, women struggled solo, shame of bearing children out of wedlock aside.
Many men reading this are fathers to children they have never bought even a lollipop, let alone want to see. But it seems, lately, a man can be proud of siring a baby with a woman who entertains the habit of him occasionally sneaking in to check on baby Lavender, even if they are not married.

Such women are of two types; the sperm thieves, or those who forgave, and let go the irresponsible donor.
Sperm thieves often trick a man into impregnating them, before strutting alone up Single Mother Avenue. Often, they target the Alpha Male, the least likely to commit. These women are mostly aging cougars whose biological clocks are ticking towards menopause. So, they might tell the man he’s the father, but they will foot diaper and Scott’s Emulsion bills for Lavender, fine thanks. The two are cool with it.
And then there are women who ‘accidentally’ get paged and take pregnancy to term, against the man’s anti-parenthood will. Or naively hope the dude might change his cold mind and granite heart and put a ring on it altogether, somewhere down mammary lane.  Only a few succeed. While they will hate the man definitely, they often mellow with time, allowing for baby visits here and there. Not all men are irresponsible, you know. A good number if given a fair chance and the mullah can support Lavender…as long the mother stops using her as bait for her conniving ways.
Baby-daddies, however, have accepted their cosmetic roles, and are like ornaments that women don. These men are a disaster to the institution of manhood. Real men take responsibility of their randiness. Real men don’t abandon innocent children with abandon.  Sociologically, children weaned minus mama na baba have warped issues in adulthood. And when you are not taking responsibility, it is not something that you should be proud of. Man up!