Couple shocks residents by signing an 'open marriage' MOU

By Kahawa Tungu Updated Monday, March 17th 2014 at 12:05 GMT +3 open marriage Ever heard of an open marriage? Well, locals in my neck of the hood are yet to come to terms with a couple that have signed a memorandum of understanding (MOU) that allows each to have a secret lover. The only catch is that they continue to respect each other and raising children together. “As long as you and your tumzee (old secret lovers) do not do it right under my nose,” the husband was overheard by a neighbour telling his wife. To which she replied: “I swear, you will never catch me pants down.” Considering these are consenting adults, we can only wait with bated breath to see how they implement their strange MOU. A day after they entered the weird MOU, the man came to Kahawa Tungu. And after little prodding, he opened up and shared with patrons the strange marriage arrangement he had agreed on with his wife. “Karibu (welcome).

Take a steaming cup of Kahawa Tungu, it will cool you down, you look disturbed. What is it?” he was welcomed and asked. He had settled close to the entrance where the cool breeze was flowing and immediately began sipping from his cup, before launching into the strange tale. “Zena and I have always been incompatible ever since she discovered I have no tricks that can entertain her between the sheets,” he complained. He proceeded to narrate how marrying an ‘experienced’ woman has left him feeling inadequate every night he attempted to make love to her. See also: Agony as wife and mpango wa kando denounce a cheating man “It got so bad that the situation completely diminished my confidence. And that is when she demanded an ‘open marriage’. She said since I was not up to the task, I should allow her to explore the options,” explained the man. He narrated how the two made a pact to set each other free without jeopardising their marriage. “She was to ‘do her thing’ on the sides as long as she did not make me jealous,” he added. The old men in Kahawa Tungu assured the man that they would get to the bottom of the matter, and help redeem the marriage. They sent someone to summon the man’s wife to a baraza la wazee (council of elders). She came in with her veil looking as holy as a virgin. After exchanging pleasantries, the case began. “Ask him whether I sneak strange men into our matrimonial home,” she charged. She continued to explain that her ex boyfriend was well endowed and had way much better performance compared to her husband. And since he couldn’t match the performance and she didn’t want to suffer in silence, she suggested the pact. The terms of which she is faithful to in letter and spirit. “After the agreement, I purchased some adult toys to ‘nice up’ myself. And that is what made him jealous. I can’t do anything to please this man. At that, the man decided to let the cat out of the bag. “But did she have to get the biggest toy in the market?” whined the man, and immediately pulled it out of his pocket and waved it in the air, for all and sundry

After careful consideration, the wise old men decided that the two should dissolve their marriage. “Get a small woman your size while she gets a man who fits her big bill. This marriage is tattered and children alone can’t hold it together. Life is too short and should be sweet. Case dismissed,” thundered the lead elder.