Don’t tell me Kalonzo is holed up somewhere waiting for the political cloud to clear

By Peter Kimani

Updated Thursday, June 26th 2014

Have you seen the young man of our place? No, no, I'm not asking about the kamwana from Gatundu; he actually takes offence about being labelled a young man. He is, after all, the Prezzo of Kenya.

The person who has no qualms about being addressed as a young man is former Vice President Kalonzo Musyoka, who still looks remarkably youthful, in spite of his advanced age.

I shall not refer to the rich shin in his hair – that's a cheap shot by Kalonzo's detractors. These days I am more inclined to peer at the middle of his head, the symbol of his festering (and long delayed) middle life crisis, since he cannot quite decide whether to cover the balding patch by combing the available hair towards the back or front.

But let's transcend Kalonzo's hair matters and focus on a more succinct point: where, pray, is the man?

The last I heard of Kalonzo was when he demanded an "all-inclusive" Government, presumably because he's still deluded about his prowess in using the katikati way to access power.

In a memorable self-confession, Kalonzo revealed how he exploited the rift that pitted former PM Tinga and retired Prezzo Kibaki to ascend to vice presidency.

So when Tinga started singing about "national dialogue," Kalonzo, ever forward-looking, envisioned a future where he would be part of an "all-inclusive" Government.

The opprobrium that followed Kalonzo's "all-inclusive" call left no doubt he had spoken out of turn yet again and had to find a convenient place to retreat to and wait for the heat to cool off.Lest we forget, Kalonzo attempted to use the now famous katikati way to worm his way into Parliament by having a Wiper MP step down for him, but he beat a hasty retreat when the MP identified for demotion rebuffed the efforts as wishful thinking.

If one were to believe former Kibwezi MP Kalembe Ndile, we should start looking in the loo, but since that doesn't sound too edifying, we shall not go there. In any case, who would hide in the loo that long?

The last I checked, Kalonzo was somewhere in China, apparently seeking investors to the country. But since China is only a few flight hours away, I thought he'd be back before nightfall. This is his second week away.

But even before we read any sinister motives on Kalonzo's absence, we need to remember this could be part of Opposition CORD's manifesto, where its leadership is encouraged to flee to safety and lie low in times of crisis and wait for things to blow over. That's what astute leadership is about.

See, who remembers Tinga's sojourn of America was precipitated by bungled party polls overseen by the famous men in black? That's the healing power of time; in just a matter of weeks, a man unable to manage democracy at party level has been elevated to a towering symbol of political accountability.

Even better, no one even remembers ODM polls are yet to be concluded!

But Kalonzo's retreat isn't just about pausing to reflect and re-strategise; in this season of anomy, one can't quite predict if the political hectoring of the moment will give way to more insidious acts that could lead some to jail in Kenya or any other jurisdiction.

And since the young man of our place did not become a lawyer for nothing, he knows a thing or two about political responsibility. And Kalonzo's first responsibility is his own self-preservation.