Inspirational message

Stop quacking like ducks and start soaring like eagles!

Years ago, my friend, Harvey Mackay, told me a wonderful story about a cab
driver that proved this point. He was waiting in line for a ride at the
airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing Harvey noticed was that the
taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a white shirt,
black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks, the cab driver jumped out and
rounded the car to open the back passenger door for Harvey . He handed my
friend a laminated card and said: "I'm Wally, your driver. While I'm
loading your bags in the trunk I'd like you to read my mission statement."
Taken aback, Harvey read the card. It said: Wally's Mission Statement: To
get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest
way possible in a friendly environment.
This blew Harvey away. Especially when he noticed that the inside of the
cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean! As he slid behind the wheel,
Wally said, "Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular
and one of decaf." My friend said jokingly, "No, I'd prefer a soft drink."
Wally smiled and said, "No problem. I have a cooler up front with regular
and Diet Coke, water and orange juice." Almost stuttering, Harvey said,
"I'll take a Diet Coke." Handing him his drink, Wally said, "If you'd like
something to read, I have The Wall Street Journal, Time, Sports Illustrated
and USA Today."
As they were pulling away, Wally handed my friend another laminated card.
"These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you'd like to
listen to the radio." And as if that weren't enough, Wally told Harvey that
he had the air conditioning on and asked if the temperature was comfortable
for him. Then he advised Harvey of the best route to his destination for
that time of day. He also let him know that he'd be happy to chat and tell
him about some of the sights or, if Harvey preferred, to leave him with his
own thoughts.
"Tell me, Wally," my amazed friend asked the driver, "have you always
served customers like this?" Wally smiled into the rearview mirror. "No,
not always. In fact, it's only been in the last two years. My first five
years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the
cabbies do. Then I heard the personal growth guru, Wayne Dyer, on the radio
one day. He had just written a book called You'll See It When You Believe
It. Dyer said that if you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad
day, you'll rarely disappoint yourself. He said, `Stop complaining!
Differentiate yourself from your competition. Don't be a duck. Be an eagle.
Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd.'"

"That hit me right between the eyes," said Wally. "Dyer was really talking
about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my
attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their
drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were unfriendly, and the
customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few
at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more."
"I take it that has paid off for you," Harvey said. "It sure has," Wally
replied. "My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous
year. This year I'll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today.
I don't sit at cabstands anymore. My customers call me for appointments on
my cell phone or leave a message on my answering machine. If I can't pick
them up myself, I get a reliable cabbie friend to do it and I take a piece
of the action." Wally was phenomenal. He was running a limo service out of
a Yellow Cab.
I've probably told that story to more than fifty cab drivers over the
years, and only two took the idea and ran with it. Whenever I go to their
cities, I give them a call. The rest of the drivers quacked like ducks and
told me all the reasons they couldn't do any of what I was suggesting.

Johnny the Bagger and Wally the Cab Driver made a different choice. They
decided to stop quacking like ducks and start soaring like eagles.


How about you?

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall performance - particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as EPL 5.0 and Champions League 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try to enter the command: C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and
download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Mututho Hours 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support
Never count on making a good sale. Have the purchase price be so attractive that even a mediocre sale gives good returns.
Back to top Report Abusive | Report SPAM | Edit by user: Thursday, April 07, 2011 11:32 AM | Reason: Not specified
MaichBlack #2 Posted : Thursday, April 07, 2011 11:31:09 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 7/22/2009
Posts: 1,476
To Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of the phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as footballnight 10.3 and mututho 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0, but uninstall does not work on this program. Can you help me?

Patrick Otieno

To Mr. Otieno

This is a very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES AND ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run everything. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install mpango wa kando 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than their original system. Look in your manual under Warnings - Alimony / Child Support. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The best course of action will be to push the apologize button, then the reset button as soon as lock-up occurs. System will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all GPFS. Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very high maintenance.

Is a computer male or female?

An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language. He stated how hurricanes at one time were given feminine names and how ships and planes were usually referred to as "she". One of the students raised their hand and asked - "What gender is a computer"? The teacher wasn't certain which it was, so he divided the class into two groups, males in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.


The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1.) In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

2.) They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

3.) They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.

4.) As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.


The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1.) No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2.) The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3.) Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

4.) As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it
Never count on making a good sale. Have the purchase price be so attractive that even a mediocre sale gives good returns.