Thursday, 25 August 2011
Saturday, 20 August 2011
Friday, 19 August 2011
What’s your fighting style?
When you disagree with your spouse, do you confront the matter head on or sweep issues under the carpet? WANGECI KANYEKI dissects how couples address conflict
No matter how sweet and loving your relationship is, at one point you will disagree with your partner.
Mwende and Victor had been married for only three weeks when their first conflict erupted.
After the honeymoon, the couple settled into their new home.
Victor was to return to work first and so on the material day, Mwende being a good wife, woke up early and prepared for him a hearty breakfast. When Victor woke up, he showered, dressed, picked his laptop and left for work.
He was completely oblivious of all the hard work Mwende had put to get his breakfast ready.
So after he left for work, Mwende feeling humiliated, sulked all day and rehearsed how she would confront his insensitivity. Whe Victor came home in the evening, Mwende had a mouthful of accusations.She gave him a piece of her mind. Victor could not cope with Mwende’s shouting match so he emotionally withdrew until she calmed down.
Mwende comes from a family where they deal with issues head on. They could argue out their points in a dramatic way, shouting at each other, after which Mwende and her siblings would continue loving each other and their relationship would be immediately restored back to status quo.
On the other hand, Victor comes from a family where they rarely deal with uncomfortable issues.
They simply sweep everything under the carpet. Their home was peaceful, no one ever shouted at the other — in fact they never talked about issues. They simply ignored the problem.
We all have a fighting or negotiation style. When faced with disagreement, some use the withdrawing style while others the accommodating style — putting their interest last and making peace at whatever cost.
Others are aggressive and feel they must win an argument. The wise individuals use the problem-solving style where they actively listen and find a solution to benefit everyone.
So what is your fighting style and what has shaped it thus?
Fighting Styles
According to Muriithi Wanjau and Caro Wanjau in the book: Ndoa: Redefining Marriage, there are different styles of fighting which are influenced by our gender, temperament and family background.
There are those who deal with problems head on — ‘fighters’ — and those who withdraw from conflict and avoid it entirely — ‘runners’. Read through this and try and identify your style.
Runners
Some people are overwhelmed by conflict and either walk from it or give in to keep the peace. These are ‘runners’ and come in various types;
Tortoise — When confronted with an issue, this person withdraws physically or emotionally into a shell.
The shell can either be work, newspaper, television, a hobby or they could go silent. They refuse to deal with the problem. The more the tension rises the more the tortoise retreats.
Owl — S/he analyses and intellectualises issues. They approach issues with academic, logical facts and look down on feelings as inferior. They are know-it-alls and assume they understand what their partner is thinking or feeling. In the middle of an argument, owls interrupt, roll their eyes and mentally rehearse what they going to say next instead of actively listening. They use their intellectual superiority to hide from issues and keep their distance.
Ostrich — They bury their heads in the sand and pretend that things are fine.They have a ‘don’t worry be happy’ attitude to life and will act or crack jokes to lighten up the mood. This can be hurtful and frustrating to the spouse.
The ostrich usually has a reputation outside the home as being popular and sympathetic and yet they use their wit and humour to hide away from their spouse.
So the spouse is the one who always seems to have issues while the ostrich is always happy-go-lucky.
Fighters
On the other extreme are fighters — confrontational people who deal with issues head on.
There are several types of fighters such as:
Hedgehog — They are always defensive when an issue is raised. They deny wrongdoing and work hard to avoid any blame. To them, their partner is to blame for every mess and, therefore, do not want to be involved in finding solutions.
Skunk — This fighter retaliates and is ready to fight back when challenged.They do this by making the other person look bad. They also use sarcasm and the blame game when threatened. They check through their archives to find offenses they can use against their spouse.
If you confront a skunk about something they did, they tactfully raise a totally different issue and one is left thinking: "I came to talk to him about why he picked up the children late from school; how did we end up arguing about respecting him?"
Gorillas — They see every conflict as an opportunity to win or be right. Gorillas never quite settle until they have proven their point.
They have a temper, intimidate, manipulate and can even become violent. They will do whatever it takes to win.
Fighting fair
As it has been rightly said that opposites attract and attack.Most likely your partner’s conflict style is the exact opposite of yours.
So it helps to know what your style is for you to resolve conflict amicably. Each partner needs to learn to fight fair using some basic rules.
• Focus on the issue, not the person. Avoid using defamatory or accusatory statements. Begin sentences like this: "I feel as though we are living separate lives", rather than "You are always coming home late" or "You never come home early".
• Be truthful but gracious. Just because you want to be honest does not mean you have to do it with sarcasm or malice. Be gentle with words. Your partner is not perfect so deal with them, as you would like to be dealt with.
• Keep your tone levelled.Your partner is not deaf, they can hear you clearly even if you use a low voice. Avoid shouting and dramatic displays of pre-violence traits such as banging doors, tables and throwing things to prove a point.
•Select the right time. While we should not keep issues pending for long, it helps to select the right time to say it right.
Bringing an issue up after a long day’s work will rarely solve it. If you want a fair hearing, choose a time when your partner is rested and calm rather than when they are watching prime news.
•Sandwich your statement. We all love to be praised. It helps cushion the conflict if we begin with a praise statement, state the correction or issue and end with the good deeds your partner is doing.
If you cannot think of anything positive to say, list your partner’s good traits when you are in a more romantic mood and keep them in a diary.
•Listen actively. It is impolite to read a newspaper or watch television when your partner is raising an important issue.
Monday, 1 August 2011
Stand for a Reason
If you Stand for a Reason, Be prepared to stand like a Tree,
If you fall on the ground, Fall as a Seed. that grows back ...To fight Again.
Heavy rains remind us of challenges in life. Never ask for a lighter rain.
Just pray for a better umbrella. That is attitude.
When flood comes, fish eat ants & when flood recedes, ants eat fish. Only
time matters. Just hold on, God gives opportunity to everyone!
Life is not about finding the right person, but creating the right
relationship, it's not how we care in the beginning, but how much we care till the very
end.
Some people always throw stones in your path. It depends on you what you
make with them, a Wall or a Bridge? Remember you are the architect of your life.
Search for a beautiful heart, but don't search for a beautiful face'.
Coz beautiful things are not always good, but good things are always
beautiful.
It's not important to hold all the good cards in life.
But it's important how well you play with the cards you hold.
Often when we lose all hope & think this is the end,
God smiles from above and says, `relax dear it's just a bend. Not the end.
Have Faith and have a successful life.
One of the basic differences between God and humans is, God gives, gives and
forgives.
But the human gets, gets, gets and forgets.
Be thankful in life....
If you fall on the ground, Fall as a Seed. that grows back ...To fight Again.
Heavy rains remind us of challenges in life. Never ask for a lighter rain.
Just pray for a better umbrella. That is attitude.
When flood comes, fish eat ants & when flood recedes, ants eat fish. Only
time matters. Just hold on, God gives opportunity to everyone!
Life is not about finding the right person, but creating the right
relationship, it's not how we care in the beginning, but how much we care till the very
end.
Some people always throw stones in your path. It depends on you what you
make with them, a Wall or a Bridge? Remember you are the architect of your life.
Search for a beautiful heart, but don't search for a beautiful face'.
Coz beautiful things are not always good, but good things are always
beautiful.
It's not important to hold all the good cards in life.
But it's important how well you play with the cards you hold.
Often when we lose all hope & think this is the end,
God smiles from above and says, `relax dear it's just a bend. Not the end.
Have Faith and have a successful life.
One of the basic differences between God and humans is, God gives, gives and
forgives.
But the human gets, gets, gets and forgets.
Be thankful in life....
Monday, 11 July 2011
Good women are all around us
Good women are all around us. We pass them on the streets, in the malls, in captivity behind the walls, and in the hall at work. Most we can’t see because we don’t know what a good woman really looks like. She usually isn’t flashy enough or rich enough to turn our heads. She might not wear a fur coat or push a Lexus. She might not hav...e a “body by Fisher” or a face for “Ebony.” But as you mature, you realize it’s better to find someone who’s got your back than someone who turns your head. A good woman doesn’t agree whole-heartedly with everything you say. She doesn’t just tell you what you want to hear and do the opposite. She doesn’t have to declare how sensitive, sweet, caring, sincere, yaddy, yaddy, ya, she is (she won’t have to…because it shows). She has her own opinions and you may clash, but she doesn’t have to degrade you to prove she’s right. She even admits at times to being wrong, especially if you are willing to do the same. A good woman is not going to meet every item on your checklist. She is human with frailties and faults mixed in with all of her wonderful sensual attributes. She needs your love and respect. She needs to feel that you don’t have to catch her doing something wrong so you can declare “Aha, I knew all along.” A good woman doesn’t necessarily give you huge birthday or Valentine gifts. She shows her love in the ways that are comfortable to her. Don’t judge her by TV standards.See more
Sunday, 22 May 2011
100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way
“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife provides many romantic gestures which go unnoticed by her husband, because it wasn’t romantic to him. The husband can spend precious time doing what he thinks will bless and romance his wife only to discover she didn’t appreciate it at all.
“What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The spouse is simply not romancing their spouse in a way that is romantic to them!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to them? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Tom and Debi, from Theromanticvineyard.com article, “10 Hindrances to Cultivating a Romantic Vineyard”)
Discuss this list with your wife. Ask her to check the ones meaningful to her, and then have her tell you the order she considers most important. Use this list to learn what speaks “love” to her. It’s likely very different from what speaks “love” to you. Your relationship can be strengthened by using this as a guideline —but keep in mind that these are only suggestions, and not all of them have to be used.
(There’s a list under the “Romantic Ideas” topic which gives wives 100 ideas, as well.)
1. Start and/or end each day by holding hands and praying together with your wife.
2. Pray for her every day and make it a point to pray with her when she is troubled.
3. Communicate with her instead of talking AT her or shutting her out emotionally.
4. Talk to her respectfully without demeaning her or hurting her feelings.
5. Compliment her for the giftedness you see in her. Be specific.
6. Show interest in her friends and give her time to be with them.
7. Do something active together to lift her spirit —even taking a walk hand-in-hand.
8. Express to her that you need and value her.
9. Show enthusiasm for the things that she’s excited about—let your actions show it.
10. Find something that makes you laugh together.
11. Put your arms around her when she needs comfort, holding her silently.
12. Surprise her by doing something you think she would want done before she asks.
13. Try not to make sudden changes without discussing them with her first.
14. Show interest in that which she values as important in her life.
15. Allow your wife to teach you things without being defensive.
16. When you feel you must correct her, be gentle —speak the truth in LOVE.
17. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Show her that she matters more to you than any activity you could do, or any one you could be with, that threatens her security in your marriage.
19. Be a good listener. Show her you value what she says.
20. Plan a mini-honeymoon, where the two of you can spend quality time together.
21. Go shopping with her and don’t sigh or look at what time it is even once.
22. Take her out to breakfast or make her breakfast (cleaning up afterward).
23. Make the time to set specific goals with her to achieve together for each year.
24. Give her grace when she offends you and forgive (even as you want to be forgiven).
25. Find ways to help her know you are her partner in all areas life.
26. Be polite, courteous, and mannerly with her—not taking her for granted.
27. Exhibit humility, admit your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness. She’ll appreciate that!
28. Defend her to others—especially to your family.
29. Don’t belittle her intelligence.
30. Scratch her back, rub her feet, or her rub her neck—whatever she’d prefer.
31. Get up in the middle of the night (let her stay in bed) to take care of your upset child.
32. Be especially helpful when she is not feeling well.
33. When she asks how your day went, don’t just say “fine” —actually give her details.
34. Thank God for her by name when the two of you are praying together.
35. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
36. Don’t embarrass her by arguing with her in front of others.
37. Lead your family in their spiritual relationship with God. This is important to her.
38. Make eye contact when she is talking to you and when you are talking with her.
39. Show her that you prefer her to others—give her your attention whenever possible.
40. Relate what happened at work or whatever you did apart from her.
41. Keep away from anything that gives you sexual gratification, other than your wife.
42. Be helpful, both before and during the time you have visitors in your home. (If you’re not sure of what to do, ask your wife “What can I do that would help the most?”)
43. Brag about her to others, both in front of her and when she is not with you.
44. Surprise her from time-to-time with a card and flowers or a little gift.
45. Remember to tell her or call her as soon as you know you are going to be late.
46. Give her your undivided attention when she wants to talk.
47. Guard your tongue from saying “unwholesome words” or down-grading her.
48. Refuse to compare her unfavorably with others.
49. Encourage her to relax in some way while you clean up after dinner.
50. Be an involved partner in helping with the children and spending time together.
51. Maintain good grooming habits so you look and smell good. It shows you care.
52. Be supportive. Help her to finish her education and goals that are important to her.
53. View and treat her as if God put a sign over her that said, “Make me feel special.”
54. Run errands without complaining.
55. Give her the love gift of being thoughtful and considerate to her relatives.
56. Don’t negatively compare her relatives with yours.
57. Sit close to her —even when you are just watching television.
58. Be verbally supportive and honor her in front of the children.
59. Show partnership by not making plans without her knowing and agreeing with them (unless it’s a surprise for her).
60. Pro-actively do things that makes her feel cherished as a woman and as a wife.
61. Keep her trust at all costs. Leave no gray area when it comes to other female relationships, money and your word. (Dave Ramsey)
62. Ask for a list of 3 things she’d like done in the home. Priortize to do them ASAP.
63. Ask her and then listen to what makes her fearful and insecure (without judging).
64. Pray about and act upon what you can do to alleviate those fears.
65. Find out what her sexual needs are (and then try to fulfill them).
66. Surprise her with a 15 second kiss (with no expectations to go any further).
67. Keep yourself in as good of shape as is reasonable so she’s proud to be with you.
68. Make it a point to write a mission statement together for your marriage and family.
69. Take the time to touch every day—even if it’s only for a minute or two.
70. Be polite and kind. (Often we’re kinder to strangers than we are to our spouse.)
71. Be sensitive enough to ask her if you offend or hurt her sexually in any way.
72. Go out of your way to help her feel valued over everyone else.
73. Consider her as your marital partner in how you spend money.
74. You dated your wife before marriage, and fell in love. Date her now to STAY in love.
75. Be careful to choose your words, especially when angry.
76. Show affection for her in front of friends.
77. Make sure your children speak to her and treat her in respectful ways.
78. Make a point of honoring anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions.
79. Make sure she has money to spend any way she would choose.
80. Hold her close and verbally express your love when she is hurt or discouraged.
81. Surprise her by giving her a special gift from time to time.
82. Share the responsibilities around the house (without looking for special recognition).
83. Don’t tease and belittle her, saying “I was just joking” when she doesn’t find it funny.
84. Allow her to express herself freely, without fear of being called illogical or dumb.
85. Don’t forget to hold her hand in public like you used to when you dated her.
86. Don’t criticize her in front of others—keeping her dignity in tact.
87. Don’t focus on the physical features of another woman (It dishonors your wife).
88. Be sensitive to her needs—looking for ways to bless her.
89. Let her know you want to spend special time with her and the children.
90. Fix dinner for her sometimes.
91. Be sympathetic when she’s sick—and help her however you can.
92. Let her sleep in sometimes and you get the children ready for the day.
93. Honor her by not disagreeing with her in front of the children.
94. Don’t ignore the small things that bother her and let them build into bigger issues.
95. Surprise her by doing some things around the house that she’s wanted done.
96. Tell her (and show her) you love her often.
97. Call, email or text her when you’re apart so she knows you are thinking of her.
98. Surprise her by suggesting a marriage seminar or weekend retreat you can attend together to deepen your marital relationship.
99. Express your love and appreciation for her in a love note which you give to her.
100. Show her affection without sexual intentions.
Author unknown for the 100 Ways List.
100 Ways You Can Love Your Husband HIS Way
“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife provides many romantic gestures which go unnoticed by her husband, because it wasn’t romantic to him. The husband can spend precious time doing what he thinks will bless and romance his wife only to discover she didn’t appreciate it at all.
“What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The spouse is simply not romancing their spouse in a way that is romantic to them!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to them? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Tom and Debi, from Theromanticvineyard.com article, “10 Hindrances to Cultivating a Romantic Vineyard”)
Discuss the following list with your husband. Ask him to check the ones most meaningful and then arrange them in order of importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use these suggestions —but keep in mind that they are only suggestions, and not all of them have to be used.
(If interested, there’s a list under the “Romantic Ideas” topic which gives husbands 100 ideas, as well.)
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know he’s important to you.
3. Purposefully try to understand his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends giving him some time with them if they’re trust-worthy.
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Tell him you both love him AND like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. Protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. Be tender with him realizing he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion, giving him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems—have fun instead.
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of focusing so often on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. The first minutes after a spouse comes home often sets the stage for how the rest of the evening will go. Try to make that time a positive experience. (Ease into the negative.)
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Compliment him often.
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals for each year to achieve together to feel closer as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings (when he’s not tired).
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift of some kind that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is (giving him specific reasons).
36. Give advice in a loving way — not in a nagging or belittling way.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
41. Take special notice for what he has done for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people both in front of him and even when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ respectfully in private when necessary).
46. Give him time to unwind for a little while after he comes home from work.
47. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to and pray with him (you can go back to bed afterward, if possible —it’s a sacrifice worth making.)
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him (like watching a movie and such) without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time to recover. Don’t crowd him.
52. Help him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education when your see he needs it.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he’s done around the house. (It means a lot to men).
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do it as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him—let him sleep in, bring him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs.
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Work to keep yourself in shape in every way.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
91. Look your best—dress to honor him and make him proud to be seen with you.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in business or in other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem—maybe for a back scratch or a shoulder rub.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”
“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife provides many romantic gestures which go unnoticed by her husband, because it wasn’t romantic to him. The husband can spend precious time doing what he thinks will bless and romance his wife only to discover she didn’t appreciate it at all.
“What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The spouse is simply not romancing their spouse in a way that is romantic to them!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to them? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Tom and Debi, from Theromanticvineyard.com article, “10 Hindrances to Cultivating a Romantic Vineyard”)
Discuss the following list with your husband. Ask him to check the ones most meaningful and then arrange them in order of importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use these suggestions —but keep in mind that they are only suggestions, and not all of them have to be used.
(If interested, there’s a list under the “Romantic Ideas” topic which gives husbands 100 ideas, as well.)
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know he’s important to you.
3. Purposefully try to understand his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends giving him some time with them if they’re trust-worthy.
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Tell him you both love him AND like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. Protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. Be tender with him realizing he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion, giving him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems—have fun instead.
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of focusing so often on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. The first minutes after a spouse comes home often sets the stage for how the rest of the evening will go. Try to make that time a positive experience. (Ease into the negative.)
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Compliment him often.
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals for each year to achieve together to feel closer as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings (when he’s not tired).
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift of some kind that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is (giving him specific reasons).
36. Give advice in a loving way — not in a nagging or belittling way.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
41. Take special notice for what he has done for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people both in front of him and even when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ respectfully in private when necessary).
46. Give him time to unwind for a little while after he comes home from work.
47. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to and pray with him (you can go back to bed afterward, if possible —it’s a sacrifice worth making.)
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him (like watching a movie and such) without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time to recover. Don’t crowd him.
52. Help him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education when your see he needs it.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he’s done around the house. (It means a lot to men).
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do it as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him—let him sleep in, bring him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs.
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Work to keep yourself in shape in every way.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
91. Look your best—dress to honor him and make him proud to be seen with you.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in business or in other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem—maybe for a back scratch or a shoulder rub.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”
“What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The spouse is simply not romancing their spouse in a way that is romantic to them!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to them? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Tom and Debi, from Theromanticvineyard.com article, “10 Hindrances to Cultivating a Romantic Vineyard”)
Discuss the following list with your husband. Ask him to check the ones most meaningful and then arrange them in order of importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use these suggestions —but keep in mind that they are only suggestions, and not all of them have to be used.
(If interested, there’s a list under the “Romantic Ideas” topic which gives husbands 100 ideas, as well.)
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know he’s important to you.
3. Purposefully try to understand his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends giving him some time with them if they’re trust-worthy.
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Tell him you both love him AND like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. Protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. Be tender with him realizing he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion, giving him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems—have fun instead.
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of focusing so often on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. The first minutes after a spouse comes home often sets the stage for how the rest of the evening will go. Try to make that time a positive experience. (Ease into the negative.)
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Compliment him often.
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals for each year to achieve together to feel closer as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings (when he’s not tired).
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift of some kind that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is (giving him specific reasons).
36. Give advice in a loving way — not in a nagging or belittling way.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
41. Take special notice for what he has done for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people both in front of him and even when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ respectfully in private when necessary).
46. Give him time to unwind for a little while after he comes home from work.
47. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to and pray with him (you can go back to bed afterward, if possible —it’s a sacrifice worth making.)
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him (like watching a movie and such) without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time to recover. Don’t crowd him.
52. Help him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education when your see he needs it.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he’s done around the house. (It means a lot to men).
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do it as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him—let him sleep in, bring him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs.
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Work to keep yourself in shape in every way.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
91. Look your best—dress to honor him and make him proud to be seen with you.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in business or in other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem—maybe for a back scratch or a shoulder rub.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”
Wednesday, 11 May 2011
MARRIAGE
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not takeI back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not takeI back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
Friday, 15 April 2011
Inspirational message
Stop quacking like ducks and start soaring like eagles!
Years ago, my friend, Harvey Mackay, told me a wonderful story about a cab
driver that proved this point. He was waiting in line for a ride at the
airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing Harvey noticed was that the
taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a white shirt,
black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks, the cab driver jumped out and
rounded the car to open the back passenger door for Harvey . He handed my
friend a laminated card and said: "I'm Wally, your driver. While I'm
loading your bags in the trunk I'd like you to read my mission statement."
Taken aback, Harvey read the card. It said: Wally's Mission Statement: To
get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest
way possible in a friendly environment.
This blew Harvey away. Especially when he noticed that the inside of the
cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean! As he slid behind the wheel,
Wally said, "Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular
and one of decaf." My friend said jokingly, "No, I'd prefer a soft drink."
Wally smiled and said, "No problem. I have a cooler up front with regular
and Diet Coke, water and orange juice." Almost stuttering, Harvey said,
"I'll take a Diet Coke." Handing him his drink, Wally said, "If you'd like
something to read, I have The Wall Street Journal, Time, Sports Illustrated
and USA Today."
As they were pulling away, Wally handed my friend another laminated card.
"These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you'd like to
listen to the radio." And as if that weren't enough, Wally told Harvey that
he had the air conditioning on and asked if the temperature was comfortable
for him. Then he advised Harvey of the best route to his destination for
that time of day. He also let him know that he'd be happy to chat and tell
him about some of the sights or, if Harvey preferred, to leave him with his
own thoughts.
"Tell me, Wally," my amazed friend asked the driver, "have you always
served customers like this?" Wally smiled into the rearview mirror. "No,
not always. In fact, it's only been in the last two years. My first five
years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the
cabbies do. Then I heard the personal growth guru, Wayne Dyer, on the radio
one day. He had just written a book called You'll See It When You Believe
It. Dyer said that if you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad
day, you'll rarely disappoint yourself. He said, `Stop complaining!
Differentiate yourself from your competition. Don't be a duck. Be an eagle.
Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd.'"
"That hit me right between the eyes," said Wally. "Dyer was really talking
about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my
attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their
drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were unfriendly, and the
customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few
at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more."
"I take it that has paid off for you," Harvey said. "It sure has," Wally
replied. "My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous
year. This year I'll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today.
I don't sit at cabstands anymore. My customers call me for appointments on
my cell phone or leave a message on my answering machine. If I can't pick
them up myself, I get a reliable cabbie friend to do it and I take a piece
of the action." Wally was phenomenal. He was running a limo service out of
a Yellow Cab.
I've probably told that story to more than fifty cab drivers over the
years, and only two took the idea and ran with it. Whenever I go to their
cities, I give them a call. The rest of the drivers quacked like ducks and
told me all the reasons they couldn't do any of what I was suggesting.
Johnny the Bagger and Wally the Cab Driver made a different choice. They
decided to stop quacking like ducks and start soaring like eagles.
How about you?
Years ago, my friend, Harvey Mackay, told me a wonderful story about a cab
driver that proved this point. He was waiting in line for a ride at the
airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing Harvey noticed was that the
taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a white shirt,
black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks, the cab driver jumped out and
rounded the car to open the back passenger door for Harvey . He handed my
friend a laminated card and said: "I'm Wally, your driver. While I'm
loading your bags in the trunk I'd like you to read my mission statement."
Taken aback, Harvey read the card. It said: Wally's Mission Statement: To
get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest
way possible in a friendly environment.
This blew Harvey away. Especially when he noticed that the inside of the
cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean! As he slid behind the wheel,
Wally said, "Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular
and one of decaf." My friend said jokingly, "No, I'd prefer a soft drink."
Wally smiled and said, "No problem. I have a cooler up front with regular
and Diet Coke, water and orange juice." Almost stuttering, Harvey said,
"I'll take a Diet Coke." Handing him his drink, Wally said, "If you'd like
something to read, I have The Wall Street Journal, Time, Sports Illustrated
and USA Today."
As they were pulling away, Wally handed my friend another laminated card.
"These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you'd like to
listen to the radio." And as if that weren't enough, Wally told Harvey that
he had the air conditioning on and asked if the temperature was comfortable
for him. Then he advised Harvey of the best route to his destination for
that time of day. He also let him know that he'd be happy to chat and tell
him about some of the sights or, if Harvey preferred, to leave him with his
own thoughts.
"Tell me, Wally," my amazed friend asked the driver, "have you always
served customers like this?" Wally smiled into the rearview mirror. "No,
not always. In fact, it's only been in the last two years. My first five
years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the
cabbies do. Then I heard the personal growth guru, Wayne Dyer, on the radio
one day. He had just written a book called You'll See It When You Believe
It. Dyer said that if you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad
day, you'll rarely disappoint yourself. He said, `Stop complaining!
Differentiate yourself from your competition. Don't be a duck. Be an eagle.
Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd.'"
"That hit me right between the eyes," said Wally. "Dyer was really talking
about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my
attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their
drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were unfriendly, and the
customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few
at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more."
"I take it that has paid off for you," Harvey said. "It sure has," Wally
replied. "My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous
year. This year I'll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today.
I don't sit at cabstands anymore. My customers call me for appointments on
my cell phone or leave a message on my answering machine. If I can't pick
them up myself, I get a reliable cabbie friend to do it and I take a piece
of the action." Wally was phenomenal. He was running a limo service out of
a Yellow Cab.
I've probably told that story to more than fifty cab drivers over the
years, and only two took the idea and ran with it. Whenever I go to their
cities, I give them a call. The rest of the drivers quacked like ducks and
told me all the reasons they couldn't do any of what I was suggesting.
Johnny the Bagger and Wally the Cab Driver made a different choice. They
decided to stop quacking like ducks and start soaring like eagles.
How about you?
Thursday, 7 April 2011
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall performance - particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as EPL 5.0 and Champions League 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?
Signed, Desperate
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try to enter the command: C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and
download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Mututho Hours 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
Never count on making a good sale. Have the purchase price be so attractive that even a mediocre sale gives good returns.
Back to top Report Abusive | Report SPAM | Edit by user: Thursday, April 07, 2011 11:32 AM | Reason: Not specified
MaichBlack #2 Posted : Thursday, April 07, 2011 11:31:09 AM
Rank: Elder
Joined: 7/22/2009
Posts: 1,476
To Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of the phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as footballnight 10.3 and mututho 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0, but uninstall does not work on this program. Can you help me?
Patrick Otieno
To Mr. Otieno
This is a very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES AND ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run everything. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install mpango wa kando 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than their original system. Look in your manual under Warnings - Alimony / Child Support. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The best course of action will be to push the apologize button, then the reset button as soon as lock-up occurs. System will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all GPFS. Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very high maintenance.
Is a computer male or female?
An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language. He stated how hurricanes at one time were given feminine names and how ships and planes were usually referred to as "she". One of the students raised their hand and asked - "What gender is a computer"? The teacher wasn't certain which it was, so he divided the class into two groups, males in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1.) In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2.) They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3.) They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4.) As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.
The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1.) No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2.) The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3.) Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4.) As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it
Never count on making a good sale. Have the purchase price be so attractive that even a mediocre sale gives good returns.
The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1.) In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2.) They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3.) They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4.) As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.
The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1.) No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2.) The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3.) Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4.) As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it
Never count on making a good sale. Have the purchase price be so attractive that even a mediocre sale gives good returns.
Tuesday, 22 March 2011
It's our turn to Eat !
The stink of corruption
Raymond Bonner applauds a hard-hitting and far-reaching study of bribery in Kenya
Raymond Bonner - The Guardian, Sat 14 Mar 2009 00.01 GMT
When tribal mayhem erupted in Kenya following last year's elections, most observers were stunned. Kenya was considered Africa's brighter spot. It held multi-party elections, had a solid economy, had never experienced a dictator like Idi Amin in next-door Uganda or descended into chaos like Somalia to the north. What, then, explained the madness of men with machetes and broken bottles slashing and pummelling men, women and children from other tribes? In a word, corruption.
When John Githongo was named anti-corruption tsar in 2002, by Kenya's new president Mwai Kibaki, the country was almost giddy with hope. Kibaki had promised to clean up corruption in a nation where the ordinary citizen paid around 16 bribes a month to the police or some government agency. Githongo was the perfect man for the job, and he attracted bright young idealists like himself to work with him. Government workers began inundating him with evidence of fraud and corruption.
There was enough low-hanging rotten fruit to keep his office busy for years. But Githongo knew he had to take on his own tribe, the Kikuyu, if the "it is our turn to eat" mentality was to change. The first president after independence was a Kikuyu, Jomo Kenyatta, and the Kikuyu grew rich. After Kenyatta's death, anti-Kikuyu tribes joined forces and Daniel arap Moi became president. He was a Kalenjin. Kalenjin politicians bought Mercedes, their wives shopped abroad. The Kikuyu, desperate to get to the trough again, persuaded other anti-Kalenjin tribes to join with them, and the Kikuyu Kibaki was elected.
Githongo's target was Anglo Leasing and Finance Company Ltd. Registered in Britain, it had 18 contracts with the Kenyan government for the supply of everything from a forensic laboratory to a navy frigate and jeeps: 16% of the government's expenditure in 2003-04 went to Anglo Leasing. The company was no more than a street address in Liverpool. The American ambassador, William Bellamy, said that the amount of money siphoned off was enough to supply every HIV-positive Kenyan with antiretrovirals for 10 years.
Michela Wrong, author of the acclaimed book In the Footsteps of Mr Kurtz: Living on the Brink of Disaster in the Congo, is an exceptionally talented writer. It is easy to imagine George Clooney turning her account of the risks Githongo took - the way he was tailed by Kenyan intelligence after he fled to Britain; the malicious smear campaign against him at home - into a tale of government malfeasance and a crusade along the lines of Michael Clayton. She compares Kenya's corruption to a huge garbage dump that has grown higher and higher over the years. "Each stratum has a slightly different consistency - the garbage trucks brought mostly plastics and cardboard that week, perhaps, less household waste and more factory refuse - but it all smells identical, letting off vast methane sighs as it settles and shifts."
This is one of those rare books that deliver more than the title suggests. It is more than a story about a whistleblower, and more than about Kenya. It could have been written anywhere where corruption is endemic, and Wrong disposes of some general myths. One is the refrain that the president is an honest, upstanding, god-fearing man; he's not corrupt, it's his undisciplined children. "In countries where presidents have done their best to centralise power," Wrong writes, "altering constitutions, winning over the army and emasculating the judiciary, the notion that key decisions can be taken without their approval is laughable."
She also drives home this usually overlooked reality: for every corruptee, there is a corruptor. Or: "For every minister trousering a bribe, there had to be a western company ready to pay it." Not just western companies. Indeed, they are constrained by anti-bribery laws, however weakly enforced, while Chinese, Korean and Japanese companies pay huge bribes with impunity.
Further, Wrong makes depressingly clear that corruption in the developing world is aided and abetted by donor governments and the World Bank. Reflecting what she calls the bank's "moral myopia", the World Bank director in Kenya, Makhtar Diop, rented his spacious house from President Kibaki. Even when confronted with the full extent of the Anglo Leasing scandal, Diop in effect did nothing. His successor, Colin Bruce, continued to rent from the president and, despite evidence that the polls had been rigged in the 2008 election, assured his bosses in Washington that his landlord was the legitimate president of Kenya. Bruce was promoted to director for strategy and operations in the Africa region.
Wrong praises Britain's high commissioner in Kenya, Edward Clay. When his quiet diplomacy with the Kenyan leaders failed, Clay delivered a speech to the British Business Association of Kenya: "We never expected corruption to be vanquished overnight," he said about the transition from Moi to Kibaki. "We hoped it would not be rammed in our faces. But it has ... They may expect we shall not see, or notice, or will forgive them a bit of gluttony, but they can hardly expect us not to care when their gluttony causes them to vomit all over our shoes." The speech had a profound impact - not on the government, but on the Kenyan people. Matatu drivers cheered Clay, policemen waved him through traffic and shoeshine boys joked "Five shillings for shoeshine, 10 for vomit".
In general, Githongo's well-documented exposé of the Anglo Leasing corruption was treated with disdain by Kikuyus, who felt he had betrayed his own, and passively accepted by donors. Only the Netherlands froze aid. Clay believed that, by failing to act forcefully, Britain and other donors "had set the worst possible precedent, not only for Africa, but to the recipients of British aid across the globe", Wrong writes. "If the donors were not going to make an example of Kenya over Anglo Leasing, it is hard to see when they would ever get tough." And in that depressing conclusion lies the larger story.
Raymond Bonner applauds a hard-hitting and far-reaching study of bribery in Kenya
Raymond Bonner - The Guardian, Sat 14 Mar 2009 00.01 GMT
When tribal mayhem erupted in Kenya following last year's elections, most observers were stunned. Kenya was considered Africa's brighter spot. It held multi-party elections, had a solid economy, had never experienced a dictator like Idi Amin in next-door Uganda or descended into chaos like Somalia to the north. What, then, explained the madness of men with machetes and broken bottles slashing and pummelling men, women and children from other tribes? In a word, corruption.
When John Githongo was named anti-corruption tsar in 2002, by Kenya's new president Mwai Kibaki, the country was almost giddy with hope. Kibaki had promised to clean up corruption in a nation where the ordinary citizen paid around 16 bribes a month to the police or some government agency. Githongo was the perfect man for the job, and he attracted bright young idealists like himself to work with him. Government workers began inundating him with evidence of fraud and corruption.
There was enough low-hanging rotten fruit to keep his office busy for years. But Githongo knew he had to take on his own tribe, the Kikuyu, if the "it is our turn to eat" mentality was to change. The first president after independence was a Kikuyu, Jomo Kenyatta, and the Kikuyu grew rich. After Kenyatta's death, anti-Kikuyu tribes joined forces and Daniel arap Moi became president. He was a Kalenjin. Kalenjin politicians bought Mercedes, their wives shopped abroad. The Kikuyu, desperate to get to the trough again, persuaded other anti-Kalenjin tribes to join with them, and the Kikuyu Kibaki was elected.
Githongo's target was Anglo Leasing and Finance Company Ltd. Registered in Britain, it had 18 contracts with the Kenyan government for the supply of everything from a forensic laboratory to a navy frigate and jeeps: 16% of the government's expenditure in 2003-04 went to Anglo Leasing. The company was no more than a street address in Liverpool. The American ambassador, William Bellamy, said that the amount of money siphoned off was enough to supply every HIV-positive Kenyan with antiretrovirals for 10 years.
Michela Wrong, author of the acclaimed book In the Footsteps of Mr Kurtz: Living on the Brink of Disaster in the Congo, is an exceptionally talented writer. It is easy to imagine George Clooney turning her account of the risks Githongo took - the way he was tailed by Kenyan intelligence after he fled to Britain; the malicious smear campaign against him at home - into a tale of government malfeasance and a crusade along the lines of Michael Clayton. She compares Kenya's corruption to a huge garbage dump that has grown higher and higher over the years. "Each stratum has a slightly different consistency - the garbage trucks brought mostly plastics and cardboard that week, perhaps, less household waste and more factory refuse - but it all smells identical, letting off vast methane sighs as it settles and shifts."
This is one of those rare books that deliver more than the title suggests. It is more than a story about a whistleblower, and more than about Kenya. It could have been written anywhere where corruption is endemic, and Wrong disposes of some general myths. One is the refrain that the president is an honest, upstanding, god-fearing man; he's not corrupt, it's his undisciplined children. "In countries where presidents have done their best to centralise power," Wrong writes, "altering constitutions, winning over the army and emasculating the judiciary, the notion that key decisions can be taken without their approval is laughable."
She also drives home this usually overlooked reality: for every corruptee, there is a corruptor. Or: "For every minister trousering a bribe, there had to be a western company ready to pay it." Not just western companies. Indeed, they are constrained by anti-bribery laws, however weakly enforced, while Chinese, Korean and Japanese companies pay huge bribes with impunity.
Further, Wrong makes depressingly clear that corruption in the developing world is aided and abetted by donor governments and the World Bank. Reflecting what she calls the bank's "moral myopia", the World Bank director in Kenya, Makhtar Diop, rented his spacious house from President Kibaki. Even when confronted with the full extent of the Anglo Leasing scandal, Diop in effect did nothing. His successor, Colin Bruce, continued to rent from the president and, despite evidence that the polls had been rigged in the 2008 election, assured his bosses in Washington that his landlord was the legitimate president of Kenya. Bruce was promoted to director for strategy and operations in the Africa region.
Wrong praises Britain's high commissioner in Kenya, Edward Clay. When his quiet diplomacy with the Kenyan leaders failed, Clay delivered a speech to the British Business Association of Kenya: "We never expected corruption to be vanquished overnight," he said about the transition from Moi to Kibaki. "We hoped it would not be rammed in our faces. But it has ... They may expect we shall not see, or notice, or will forgive them a bit of gluttony, but they can hardly expect us not to care when their gluttony causes them to vomit all over our shoes." The speech had a profound impact - not on the government, but on the Kenyan people. Matatu drivers cheered Clay, policemen waved him through traffic and shoeshine boys joked "Five shillings for shoeshine, 10 for vomit".
In general, Githongo's well-documented exposé of the Anglo Leasing corruption was treated with disdain by Kikuyus, who felt he had betrayed his own, and passively accepted by donors. Only the Netherlands froze aid. Clay believed that, by failing to act forcefully, Britain and other donors "had set the worst possible precedent, not only for Africa, but to the recipients of British aid across the globe", Wrong writes. "If the donors were not going to make an example of Kenya over Anglo Leasing, it is hard to see when they would ever get tough." And in that depressing conclusion lies the larger story.
Wednesday, 9 March 2011
Where Kikuyus are...there must be a problem...and a solution in the making...
Wui! We are all Gods People…Angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said 'I have to talk to you. We have some Kikuyus up here, and they are causing problems - They're swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing Savco jeans instead of their white robes, they're riding pickup trucks instead of the chariots, and they're selling their halos to people for discount prices. Furthermore, they refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear, since they keep crouching down midway hawking their wings! They have sub-let their mansions and are now living in the SQs. They are even attempting "atiriri" talk over here! I found some attempting to fit a carrier on the chariot for carrying "thaara wa n'gombe " (Napier grass) on their way from visits! They are even using mpesa to send money to "andu aitu" in hell.
The Lord said, 'Kikuyus are Kikuyus. If you want to know about real problems, call the devil.'
The Devil answered the phone, 'Hello? Hold on a minute.' The Devil returned to the phone, 'OK I'm back. What can I do for you?'
Gabriel replied, 'I just wanted to know what kind of problems you're having down there.'
The Devil said, 'Hold on again. I need to check on something.' After about 5 minutes the Devil returned to the phone and said, 'I'm back... Now what was the question?'
Gabriel said, 'What kind of problems are you having down there?' The Devil said, 'Man I don't believe this... hold on...(in the background you can hear "ngai!!!")
This time the Devil was gone 15 minutes...
The Devil returned and said,'I'm sorry Gabriel, I can't talk right now.Those Kikuyus have put out the fire and are selling me a match box if I want to light the fire again!
Friday, 25 February 2011
Happiness is a Voyage... in pursiut of happiness'
We convince ourselves that life will be better once we are married, have a baby, then another. Then we get frustrated because our children are not old enough and that all will be well when they are older. Then we are frustrated because they reach adolescence and we must deal with them. Surely we’ll be happier when they grow out of the teen years. We tell ourselves our life will be better when our spouse gets his/her act together, when we have a nicer car, when we can take a vacation, when we finally retire. The truth is that there is no better time to be happy than right now. If not, then when? Your life will always be full of challenges. It is better to admit as much and to decide to be happy in spite of it all.For the longest time, it seemed that life was about to start. Real life. But there was always some obstacle along the way, an ordeal to get through, some work to be finished, some time to be given, a bill to be paid. Then life would start. I finally came to understand that those obstacles were life. That point of view helped me see that there isn’t any road to happiness. Happiness IS the road. So, enjoy every moment. Stop waiting for school to end, for a return to school, to lose ten pounds, to gain ten pounds, for work to begin, to get married, for Friday evening, for Sunday morning, waiting for a new car, for your mortgage to be paid off, for spring, for summer, for fall, for winter, for the first or the fifteenth of the month, for your song to be played on the radio, to die, to be reborn before deciding to be happy.
Happiness is a voyage, not a destination. There is no better time to be happy than NOW! Live and enjoy the moment.
- Now, think and try to answer these questions:
1 Name the 5 richest people in the world.
2 Name the last 5 Miss Universe winners.
3 Name the last 10 Nobel Prize winners.
4 Name the last 10 winners of the Best Actor Oscar.
Cant do it? Rather difficult, isn’t it? Don’t worry, nobody remembers that. Applause dies away! Trophies gather dust! Winners are soon forgotten.
Now answer these questions:
1 Name 3 teachers who contributed to your education.
2 Name 3 friends who helped you in your hour of need.
3 Think of a few people who made you feel special.
4 Name 5 people that you like to spend time with.
More manageable? Its easier, isn’t it? The people who mean something to your life are not rated the best, don’t have the most money, haven’t won the greatest prizes They are the ones who care about you, take care of you, those who, no matter what, stay close by. Think about it for a moment. Life is very short! And you, in which list are you? Don’t know?
Let me give you a hand. You are not among the most famous, but among those who are implicated. Some times ago, at the Seattle Olympics, nine athletes, all mentally or physically challenged, were standing on the start line for the 100 m race. The gun fired and the race began. Not everyone was running, but everyone wanted to participate and win. They ran in threes, a boy tripped and fell, did a few somersaults and started crying. The other eight heard him crying. They slowed down and looked behind them. They stopped and came back All of them A girl with Down Syndrome sat down next to him, hugged him and asked, Feeling better now? Then, all nine walked shoulder to shoulder to the finish line. The whole crowd stood up and applauded. And the applause lasted a very long time.
People who witnessed this still talk about it. Why? Because deep down inside us, we all know that the most important thing in life is much more than winning for ourselves. The most important thing in this life is to help others to win. Even if that means slowing down and changing our own race. Perhaps I will succeed in changing our heart, perhaps someone else’s heart, as well.
A candle loses nothing if it is used to light another one.
Tuesday, 22 February 2011
Mungiki: A Mysterious Sect, a Thorn in the Flesh
They have the instinct of predators, preying over their victims with no remorse. Sanctity of life is not in their vocabulary, making their thirst for blood only comparable to that of so called vampires. That is the dreaded Mungiki sect, now sprouting in Kenya and assuming the characteristics of a blood-curdling monster. Authorities seem to be having difficulty in eradicating them. The formation of Mungiki sect remains a mystery to many Kenyans. There have been contradicting statements.
Some reports say the group possibly started in 1988 with the aim of toppling the government of immediate former president of Kenya, Daniel Torotich arap Moi.
Those who share this thinking believe the group was an offshoot of Mwakenya, an underground movement formed in 1979 to challenge the Kenya African National Union (KANU) regime.
Other reports indicate that Mungiki was founded in 1987 by some young schoolboys.
The activities of the sect, however, came into the limelight in late 1990s, when reports started flowing in of groups of suspicious looking youths, many donning dreadlocks, being seen taking unusual oaths, and engaging in strange prayers.
Confronted by authorities, their swift defence would be that theirs was a group of traditionalists interested only in re-introducing and promoting traditional way of life among the Kikuyu ethnic group. They posed as a traditional religious group, but an unusual one because taking snuff during worship was their trademark.
But their hardline stand against Western idiologies put them on a collision course with the police. They started stripping naked in public, ladies wearing miniskirts and long trousers, and violently promoted female cut [Female circumcision - AI] .
They would engage police in fierce running battles, and on a number of occasions, violently raided police stations to ‘free arrested members’.
Their violent activities intensified. They systematically and forcefully began taking over management of commuter service vehicles, popularly known as Matatu.
In March last year, they clashed with a vigilante group in Nairobi, and later unleashed terror on residents of a slum area, killing 23 people and injuring several others. This prompted the government to outlaw their grouping. They however, continued to exist, and even more openly propagated their warlike activities
The formation of Mungiki sect remains a mystery to many Kenyans. There have been contradicting statements.
Some reports say the group possibly started in 1988 with the aim of toppling the government of immediate former president of Kenya, Daniel Torotich arap Moi.
Those who share this thinking believe the group was an offshoot of Mwakenya, an underground movement formed in 1979 to challenge the Kenya African National Union (KANU) regime.
Other reports indicate that Mungiki was founded in 1987 by some young schoolboys.
The activities of the sect, however, came into the limelight in late 1990s, when reports started flowing in of groups of suspicious looking youths, many donning dreadlocks, being seen taking unusual oaths, and engaging in strange prayers.
Confronted by authorities, their swift defence would be that theirs was a group of traditionalists interested only in re-introducing and promoting traditional way of life among the Kikuyu ethnic group. They posed as a traditional religious group, but an unusual one because taking snuff during worship was their trademark.
But their hardline stand against Western idiologies put them on a collision course with the police. They started stripping naked in public, ladies wearing miniskirts and long trousers, and violently promoted female cut.
They would engage police in fierce running battles, and on a number of occasions, violently raided police stations to ‘free arrested members’.
Their violent activities intensified. They systematically and forcefully began taking over management of commuter service vehicles, popularly known as Matatu.
In March last year, they clashed with a vigilante group in Nairobi, and later unleashed terror on residents of a slum area, killing 23 people and injuring several others. This prompted the government to outlaw their grouping. They however, continued to exist, and even more openly propagated their warlike activities.
Personalities associated with Mungiki are Maina Njenga as the sect leader, and Ndura Waruinge as its national co-ordinator. The hierarchy of the group includes provincial and district co-ordinators.
According to a source close to the sect, Maina, the leader, had a vision from God, commanding him to bring together all the people oppressed by Western ideologies. He chose the name Mungiki, which in Kikuyu language means ‘many people’.
Big names in political circles are said to have joined in to offer financial support. The sect quickly grew in membership to an estimated 1.5 to 2 million members today. Its membership is drawn possibly entirely from the Kikuyu community.
The source, who asked for anonymity, says Mungiki mission at its inception, was to propagate African culture and to frustrate Christianity, which to them, was a cultural manifestation of Western civilisation that perpetuated neo-colonialism.
It is no wonder that the sect at one time sought to have close ties with the Islamic faith to intensify fight against Christianity. This was ostensibly to win support of Muslims in their acts of destruction and orgies. Unfortunately the Muslims, through their superiors, disowned them.
If one was to follow the chronology of mayhem and trail of blood left by Mungiki, it would be hard not to link them with drugs, the same thing they claim to preach against.
The March incident in Nairobi was just one of the many innocent killings Mungiki has engaged in. Last month, 16 other lives were lost in Nakuru town, in Rift Valley Province in yet another Mungiki attack.
Within the same month, several other people were killed by the same group in Laikipia and Muranga districts in Rift Valley and Central provinces respectively.
These happened just as the current government (NARC) gave ultimatums to the sect members to surrender, or otherwise face the wrath of government machinery. Mungiki vowed not to give in, but to counter any attacks on them by the authorities.
Their adamant stance, observers say, could be a manifestation of the leniency with which the past government (KANU) handled their cruel behaviour.
This became evident last year in the run-up to the general elections, when members of the sect thronged the streets of Nairobi to express solidarity with Uhuru Kenyatta, former president Moi’s choice of successor.
The police stood by as the club, machete, and sword-wielding Mungiki members took charge of the city centre. People were baffled at how such a volatile and outlawed group could easily chant around the streets carrying crude weapons without police interference.
But there was an answer. The Mungiki were simply responding to a challenge by two former Members of Parliament and ardent KANU supporters, Mr. Kihika Kimani and Steven Ndichu, that they ‘parade up and defend KANU’. Silence from the then government gave the impression that it tacitly supported the idea.
Close observers thought Uhuru Kenyatta, then a presidential candidate, would come out and denounce the cult. This did not come immediately. A mockery of the highest degree, observers said, when he finally disassociated himself from the sect.
Mugambi Kiai, a lawyer by profession, deduces that KANU regime must have tried to use the carrot-and-stick trap to deal with Mungiki. A pseudo-Mungiki was created to infiltrate and neutralise the real Mungiki. This, however, did not seem to work.
It was a relief to many Kenyans when violence-free elections were finally conducted on December 27 last year. It had been feared that Mungiki, would strike to intimidate voters.
But as Kenyans craned their heads high in a show of pride for having set a good example to the rest of the continent, Mungiki suddenly struck with the Nakuru killings. The celebration dust had hardly settled.
Mungiki’s contention was that they had been barred from controlling a Matatu terminus in Nakuru Town, about 200 kilomtres from Nairobi.
The Matatu industry has been a target, says a Mungiki member who asked for anonymity, because it is vulnerable and run by young people who the sect is trying to convert. According to the source, they are succeeding in this.
But for whatever reason the sect was formed, the heinous act of killing with impunity has brought the members into a tricky warpath with the government and the public at large. Observers say their acts can potentially scare away foreign investors as they depict insecurity.
Outlawed
The Muniki movement was outlawed in March, 2002:
Attorney-General Amos Wako yesterday ordered police to arrest and prosecute the people who took part in Tuesday’s demonstration organised by the proscribed Mungiki sect.
Wako said Mungiki is among the 18 outlawed organisations and accused the police of negligence in carrying out their duties.
“For the police and law enforcement to stand by and witness offences being committed is a dereliction of their duties,” Wako said.
He said the Mungiki movement together with 17 others were outlawed on March 15 this year through Legal Notice Number 42 in the Kenya Gazette.
Wako said the Legal Notice means that Mungiki together with 17 others are dangerous to the good government of the Republic of Kenya.
A special issue of the Kenya Gazette supplement number 20 of March 15, 2002, by the Minister of State in the Office of the President in-charge of internal security, Mr Julius Sunkuli, outlawed 18 vigilante groups under section 4(1) (ii) of the Societies Act.
The groups were named as Mungiki, Jeshi la Mzee, Jeshi la Embakasi, Jeshi la King’ole, Baghdad boys, Chinkororo, Amachuma, Banyamulenge, Talibans, Dallas Muslim youth, Runyenjes Football club, Kaya Bombo youth, Sakina youth, Charo Shutu, Kuzacha, Kamjeshi, Jeshi la Nazir and Kosovo boys.
Yesterday, Wako said: “In law the said societies became unlawful, consequently, criminal offences are committed by any person who manages or assists the management of the said unlawful societies,” said Wako.
“Any person who is a member, or attends or allows a meeting of the said unlawful societies, incites or assists such proscribed societies to engage in any activity is committing an offence,” he added.
A-G Orders Arrest of Mungiki Followers
Attorney-General Amos Wako yesterday ordered police to arrest and prosecute the people who took part in Tuesday’s demonstration organised by the proscribed Mungiki sect.
Wako said Mungiki is among the 18 outlawed organisations and accused the police of negligence in carrying out their duties.
“For the police and law enforcement to stand by and witness offences being committed is a dereliction of their duties,” Wako said.
He said the Mungiki movement together with 17 others were outlawed on March 15 this year through Legal Notice Number 42 in the Kenya Gazette.
Wako said the Legal Notice means that Mungiki together with 17 others are dangerous to the good government of the Republic of Kenya.
A special issue of the Kenya Gazette supplement number 20 of March 15, 2002, by the Minister of State in the Office of the President in-charge of internal security, Mr Julius Sunkuli, outlawed 18 vigilante groups under section 4(1) (ii) of the Societies Act.
The groups were named as Mungiki, Jeshi la Mzee, Jeshi la Embakasi, Jeshi la King’ole, Baghdad boys, Chinkororo, Amachuma, Banyamulenge, Talibans, Dallas Muslim youth, Runyenjes Football club, Kaya Bombo youth, Sakina youth, Charo Shutu, Kuzacha, Kamjeshi, Jeshi la Nazir and Kosovo boys.
Yesterday, Wako said: “In law the said societies became unlawful, consequently, criminal offences are committed by any person who manages or assists the management of the said unlawful societies,” said Wako.
“Any person who is a member, or attends or allows a meeting of the said unlawful societies, incites or assists such proscribed societies to engage in any activity is committing an offence,” he added.
In a hard-hitting statement, Wako said it is duty of the police and other law enforcement to prevent and detect crime.
He said the police are supposed to apprehend the offenders where crime has been committed and enforce the law.
“I therefore call upon the police and other law enforcement officers to ensure that they take timely and effective action when any of the unlawful societies engage in activities of any kind”.
Wako said Kenyans have a constitutional right to support a candidate of their choice and to hold peaceful demostrations. He, however, pointed out that it is a criminal offence to abet a proscribed organisation.
“To exercise these rights as members of an unlawful societies is to commit offences for which they will be apprehended, tried, convicted and punished in accordance with the law,” he added.
In a separate interview, Spokesman Peter Kimanthi said the police will investigate the circumstances under which the demonstration took place and those found guilty will be arrested and prosecuted. He said that Mayor Dick Waweru applied for a notification from the police to hold a demonstration which he was issued with, adding that if other groups hijacked it, the police are yet to investigate.
Kimanthi said that there are laws to be followed when people want to hold such activities, in which case the Mayor met and was allowed to hold a demonstration within the city.
He said the mayor will be charged because him together with Mungiki leaders Ndura Waruinge and Maina Njenga and others committed an offence contrary to law. However, the Nairobi Provincial Police Officer (PPO) Stephen Kimenchu said the police could not act because they were out-numbered by the demonstrators.
Elsewhere, legislators William ole Ntimama and Shem Ochuodho condemned the demonstration by Mungiki people, saying they made very dangerous threats, reports Ochieng’ Ogodo.
Ntimama said it was a move in the wrong direction as inciting tribal animosity may lead to a volatile situation that those who are masterminding may not be able to control.
He said Molo MP Kihika Kimani and Juja MP Stephen Ndichu were setting Kenyans against one another and should be stopped as this may result in serious lawlessness.
“Setting Mungiki sect members against other Kenyans will affect the whole country. It will boomerang to all corners of the country and every body will be affected,” Ntimama said.
Ochuodho said the incident could be a prelude to the tribal clashes like those that claimed the lives of hundreds, left scores maimed and displaced thousands before the general elections of 1992 and 1997.
He said Ndichu and Kihika should be interrogated thoroughly to unravel the mystery behind Mungiki so that the thuggery its members have been committing is not repeated.
[...]
However, two Members of Parliament from Thika District yesterday came out in support of the Mungiki march in support of Mr Uhuru Kenyatta, adds Eliud Miring’uh.
Gatanga MP David Murathe and Ndichu said the sect members demonstrated a high degree of discipline because they did not destroy property, or harass pedestrians and motorists.
But Kasarani MP Adolf Muchiri and his Embakasi counterpart, Mr David Mwenje, said the demo was in bad taste because the Government has already banned the sect, along with 17 others.
Mungiki resurgence must be stopped
The notorious Mungiki sect is back with all the insecurity this represents.
Its main target as has been the case since the gang reared its ugly head is the matatu business from which it demands money. Matatu crews and owners are expected to pay some kind of protection money daily, failing which the consequences are brutal.
Matatu owners, drivers and conductors have been killed and maimed for refusing to obey. In Nairobi, the public transport has resorted to withdrawal of services to express their disgust, anger and woes.
But it is not just in Nairobi where the Mungiki menace is a security threat. In Kahuro Location in Murang’a District, the sect gangsters reign supreme and it is said to be their main hide-out. The situation is so grave that Central PC Mr Kiplimo Rugut has ordered a 24-hour police surveillance of the location.
The resurgence of the Mungiki is worrying because it seems to follow a national trend of rising insecurity. What has been happening in Molo and Kuresoi in Nakuru District, Samburu and Baringo among other areas, should be seen in this light.
The Mungiki gained notoriety in the late 1990s in what appeared to be a cultural movement of sorts. It advocated bizarre rituals, including female circumcision. It was frowned upon and ignored until it spiralled into a security threat.
But it later gained acceptance in some political circles and by the 2002 General Election, various politicians and political parties were linked to it.
When Narc came to power, it made headway in fighting it and pushed it out of city and town centres. The cartels that had formed around the matatu business were largely broken.
But it seems that was temporary, a lull before the storm, as recent events have shown.
The sect seems to have taken cover from the authorities and withdrawn to the city and town estates and the countryside. From these hideouts, it intermittently comes out to engage in illegality and make a point.
A few months ago, attempts to break the sect’s hold on the matatu business resulted in the shooting and injury of a senior police officer in the city.
This daredevil buffoonery should worry the security agents and they must once and for all come hard on the Mungiki and its network. As the country enters an election year, the gang will only get bolder.
And why not? Politicians and political parties will be ready to hire their services to intimidate or even eliminate their opponents. The Provincial Administration and the public should form a major plank in the war against Mungiki, cattle rustlers and those who torch houses.
These people must be arrested and made to face the force of the law for only then can wananchi be secure enough to go about their daily chores.
This is the time to test the community policing programme that was launched with a lot of fanfare as a complementary source of security. It will emerge whether security agents and the public have learnt to trust one another and use the information received well and responsibly. The war against crime — its success and failure — will also measure how the recent Office of the President Rapid Results Initiative is fairing.
Some reports say the group possibly started in 1988 with the aim of toppling the government of immediate former president of Kenya, Daniel Torotich arap Moi.
Those who share this thinking believe the group was an offshoot of Mwakenya, an underground movement formed in 1979 to challenge the Kenya African National Union (KANU) regime.
Other reports indicate that Mungiki was founded in 1987 by some young schoolboys.
The activities of the sect, however, came into the limelight in late 1990s, when reports started flowing in of groups of suspicious looking youths, many donning dreadlocks, being seen taking unusual oaths, and engaging in strange prayers.
Confronted by authorities, their swift defence would be that theirs was a group of traditionalists interested only in re-introducing and promoting traditional way of life among the Kikuyu ethnic group. They posed as a traditional religious group, but an unusual one because taking snuff during worship was their trademark.
But their hardline stand against Western idiologies put them on a collision course with the police. They started stripping naked in public, ladies wearing miniskirts and long trousers, and violently promoted female cut [Female circumcision - AI] .
They would engage police in fierce running battles, and on a number of occasions, violently raided police stations to ‘free arrested members’.
Their violent activities intensified. They systematically and forcefully began taking over management of commuter service vehicles, popularly known as Matatu.
In March last year, they clashed with a vigilante group in Nairobi, and later unleashed terror on residents of a slum area, killing 23 people and injuring several others. This prompted the government to outlaw their grouping. They however, continued to exist, and even more openly propagated their warlike activities
The formation of Mungiki sect remains a mystery to many Kenyans. There have been contradicting statements.
Some reports say the group possibly started in 1988 with the aim of toppling the government of immediate former president of Kenya, Daniel Torotich arap Moi.
Those who share this thinking believe the group was an offshoot of Mwakenya, an underground movement formed in 1979 to challenge the Kenya African National Union (KANU) regime.
Other reports indicate that Mungiki was founded in 1987 by some young schoolboys.
The activities of the sect, however, came into the limelight in late 1990s, when reports started flowing in of groups of suspicious looking youths, many donning dreadlocks, being seen taking unusual oaths, and engaging in strange prayers.
Confronted by authorities, their swift defence would be that theirs was a group of traditionalists interested only in re-introducing and promoting traditional way of life among the Kikuyu ethnic group. They posed as a traditional religious group, but an unusual one because taking snuff during worship was their trademark.
But their hardline stand against Western idiologies put them on a collision course with the police. They started stripping naked in public, ladies wearing miniskirts and long trousers, and violently promoted female cut.
They would engage police in fierce running battles, and on a number of occasions, violently raided police stations to ‘free arrested members’.
Their violent activities intensified. They systematically and forcefully began taking over management of commuter service vehicles, popularly known as Matatu.
In March last year, they clashed with a vigilante group in Nairobi, and later unleashed terror on residents of a slum area, killing 23 people and injuring several others. This prompted the government to outlaw their grouping. They however, continued to exist, and even more openly propagated their warlike activities.
Personalities associated with Mungiki are Maina Njenga as the sect leader, and Ndura Waruinge as its national co-ordinator. The hierarchy of the group includes provincial and district co-ordinators.
According to a source close to the sect, Maina, the leader, had a vision from God, commanding him to bring together all the people oppressed by Western ideologies. He chose the name Mungiki, which in Kikuyu language means ‘many people’.
Big names in political circles are said to have joined in to offer financial support. The sect quickly grew in membership to an estimated 1.5 to 2 million members today. Its membership is drawn possibly entirely from the Kikuyu community.
The source, who asked for anonymity, says Mungiki mission at its inception, was to propagate African culture and to frustrate Christianity, which to them, was a cultural manifestation of Western civilisation that perpetuated neo-colonialism.
It is no wonder that the sect at one time sought to have close ties with the Islamic faith to intensify fight against Christianity. This was ostensibly to win support of Muslims in their acts of destruction and orgies. Unfortunately the Muslims, through their superiors, disowned them.
If one was to follow the chronology of mayhem and trail of blood left by Mungiki, it would be hard not to link them with drugs, the same thing they claim to preach against.
The March incident in Nairobi was just one of the many innocent killings Mungiki has engaged in. Last month, 16 other lives were lost in Nakuru town, in Rift Valley Province in yet another Mungiki attack.
Within the same month, several other people were killed by the same group in Laikipia and Muranga districts in Rift Valley and Central provinces respectively.
These happened just as the current government (NARC) gave ultimatums to the sect members to surrender, or otherwise face the wrath of government machinery. Mungiki vowed not to give in, but to counter any attacks on them by the authorities.
Their adamant stance, observers say, could be a manifestation of the leniency with which the past government (KANU) handled their cruel behaviour.
This became evident last year in the run-up to the general elections, when members of the sect thronged the streets of Nairobi to express solidarity with Uhuru Kenyatta, former president Moi’s choice of successor.
The police stood by as the club, machete, and sword-wielding Mungiki members took charge of the city centre. People were baffled at how such a volatile and outlawed group could easily chant around the streets carrying crude weapons without police interference.
But there was an answer. The Mungiki were simply responding to a challenge by two former Members of Parliament and ardent KANU supporters, Mr. Kihika Kimani and Steven Ndichu, that they ‘parade up and defend KANU’. Silence from the then government gave the impression that it tacitly supported the idea.
Close observers thought Uhuru Kenyatta, then a presidential candidate, would come out and denounce the cult. This did not come immediately. A mockery of the highest degree, observers said, when he finally disassociated himself from the sect.
Mugambi Kiai, a lawyer by profession, deduces that KANU regime must have tried to use the carrot-and-stick trap to deal with Mungiki. A pseudo-Mungiki was created to infiltrate and neutralise the real Mungiki. This, however, did not seem to work.
It was a relief to many Kenyans when violence-free elections were finally conducted on December 27 last year. It had been feared that Mungiki, would strike to intimidate voters.
But as Kenyans craned their heads high in a show of pride for having set a good example to the rest of the continent, Mungiki suddenly struck with the Nakuru killings. The celebration dust had hardly settled.
Mungiki’s contention was that they had been barred from controlling a Matatu terminus in Nakuru Town, about 200 kilomtres from Nairobi.
The Matatu industry has been a target, says a Mungiki member who asked for anonymity, because it is vulnerable and run by young people who the sect is trying to convert. According to the source, they are succeeding in this.
But for whatever reason the sect was formed, the heinous act of killing with impunity has brought the members into a tricky warpath with the government and the public at large. Observers say their acts can potentially scare away foreign investors as they depict insecurity.
Outlawed
The Muniki movement was outlawed in March, 2002:
Attorney-General Amos Wako yesterday ordered police to arrest and prosecute the people who took part in Tuesday’s demonstration organised by the proscribed Mungiki sect.
Wako said Mungiki is among the 18 outlawed organisations and accused the police of negligence in carrying out their duties.
“For the police and law enforcement to stand by and witness offences being committed is a dereliction of their duties,” Wako said.
He said the Mungiki movement together with 17 others were outlawed on March 15 this year through Legal Notice Number 42 in the Kenya Gazette.
Wako said the Legal Notice means that Mungiki together with 17 others are dangerous to the good government of the Republic of Kenya.
A special issue of the Kenya Gazette supplement number 20 of March 15, 2002, by the Minister of State in the Office of the President in-charge of internal security, Mr Julius Sunkuli, outlawed 18 vigilante groups under section 4(1) (ii) of the Societies Act.
The groups were named as Mungiki, Jeshi la Mzee, Jeshi la Embakasi, Jeshi la King’ole, Baghdad boys, Chinkororo, Amachuma, Banyamulenge, Talibans, Dallas Muslim youth, Runyenjes Football club, Kaya Bombo youth, Sakina youth, Charo Shutu, Kuzacha, Kamjeshi, Jeshi la Nazir and Kosovo boys.
Yesterday, Wako said: “In law the said societies became unlawful, consequently, criminal offences are committed by any person who manages or assists the management of the said unlawful societies,” said Wako.
“Any person who is a member, or attends or allows a meeting of the said unlawful societies, incites or assists such proscribed societies to engage in any activity is committing an offence,” he added.
A-G Orders Arrest of Mungiki Followers
Attorney-General Amos Wako yesterday ordered police to arrest and prosecute the people who took part in Tuesday’s demonstration organised by the proscribed Mungiki sect.
Wako said Mungiki is among the 18 outlawed organisations and accused the police of negligence in carrying out their duties.
“For the police and law enforcement to stand by and witness offences being committed is a dereliction of their duties,” Wako said.
He said the Mungiki movement together with 17 others were outlawed on March 15 this year through Legal Notice Number 42 in the Kenya Gazette.
Wako said the Legal Notice means that Mungiki together with 17 others are dangerous to the good government of the Republic of Kenya.
A special issue of the Kenya Gazette supplement number 20 of March 15, 2002, by the Minister of State in the Office of the President in-charge of internal security, Mr Julius Sunkuli, outlawed 18 vigilante groups under section 4(1) (ii) of the Societies Act.
The groups were named as Mungiki, Jeshi la Mzee, Jeshi la Embakasi, Jeshi la King’ole, Baghdad boys, Chinkororo, Amachuma, Banyamulenge, Talibans, Dallas Muslim youth, Runyenjes Football club, Kaya Bombo youth, Sakina youth, Charo Shutu, Kuzacha, Kamjeshi, Jeshi la Nazir and Kosovo boys.
Yesterday, Wako said: “In law the said societies became unlawful, consequently, criminal offences are committed by any person who manages or assists the management of the said unlawful societies,” said Wako.
“Any person who is a member, or attends or allows a meeting of the said unlawful societies, incites or assists such proscribed societies to engage in any activity is committing an offence,” he added.
In a hard-hitting statement, Wako said it is duty of the police and other law enforcement to prevent and detect crime.
He said the police are supposed to apprehend the offenders where crime has been committed and enforce the law.
“I therefore call upon the police and other law enforcement officers to ensure that they take timely and effective action when any of the unlawful societies engage in activities of any kind”.
Wako said Kenyans have a constitutional right to support a candidate of their choice and to hold peaceful demostrations. He, however, pointed out that it is a criminal offence to abet a proscribed organisation.
“To exercise these rights as members of an unlawful societies is to commit offences for which they will be apprehended, tried, convicted and punished in accordance with the law,” he added.
In a separate interview, Spokesman Peter Kimanthi said the police will investigate the circumstances under which the demonstration took place and those found guilty will be arrested and prosecuted. He said that Mayor Dick Waweru applied for a notification from the police to hold a demonstration which he was issued with, adding that if other groups hijacked it, the police are yet to investigate.
Kimanthi said that there are laws to be followed when people want to hold such activities, in which case the Mayor met and was allowed to hold a demonstration within the city.
He said the mayor will be charged because him together with Mungiki leaders Ndura Waruinge and Maina Njenga and others committed an offence contrary to law. However, the Nairobi Provincial Police Officer (PPO) Stephen Kimenchu said the police could not act because they were out-numbered by the demonstrators.
Elsewhere, legislators William ole Ntimama and Shem Ochuodho condemned the demonstration by Mungiki people, saying they made very dangerous threats, reports Ochieng’ Ogodo.
Ntimama said it was a move in the wrong direction as inciting tribal animosity may lead to a volatile situation that those who are masterminding may not be able to control.
He said Molo MP Kihika Kimani and Juja MP Stephen Ndichu were setting Kenyans against one another and should be stopped as this may result in serious lawlessness.
“Setting Mungiki sect members against other Kenyans will affect the whole country. It will boomerang to all corners of the country and every body will be affected,” Ntimama said.
Ochuodho said the incident could be a prelude to the tribal clashes like those that claimed the lives of hundreds, left scores maimed and displaced thousands before the general elections of 1992 and 1997.
He said Ndichu and Kihika should be interrogated thoroughly to unravel the mystery behind Mungiki so that the thuggery its members have been committing is not repeated.
[...]
However, two Members of Parliament from Thika District yesterday came out in support of the Mungiki march in support of Mr Uhuru Kenyatta, adds Eliud Miring’uh.
Gatanga MP David Murathe and Ndichu said the sect members demonstrated a high degree of discipline because they did not destroy property, or harass pedestrians and motorists.
But Kasarani MP Adolf Muchiri and his Embakasi counterpart, Mr David Mwenje, said the demo was in bad taste because the Government has already banned the sect, along with 17 others.
Mungiki resurgence must be stopped
The notorious Mungiki sect is back with all the insecurity this represents.
Its main target as has been the case since the gang reared its ugly head is the matatu business from which it demands money. Matatu crews and owners are expected to pay some kind of protection money daily, failing which the consequences are brutal.
Matatu owners, drivers and conductors have been killed and maimed for refusing to obey. In Nairobi, the public transport has resorted to withdrawal of services to express their disgust, anger and woes.
But it is not just in Nairobi where the Mungiki menace is a security threat. In Kahuro Location in Murang’a District, the sect gangsters reign supreme and it is said to be their main hide-out. The situation is so grave that Central PC Mr Kiplimo Rugut has ordered a 24-hour police surveillance of the location.
The resurgence of the Mungiki is worrying because it seems to follow a national trend of rising insecurity. What has been happening in Molo and Kuresoi in Nakuru District, Samburu and Baringo among other areas, should be seen in this light.
The Mungiki gained notoriety in the late 1990s in what appeared to be a cultural movement of sorts. It advocated bizarre rituals, including female circumcision. It was frowned upon and ignored until it spiralled into a security threat.
But it later gained acceptance in some political circles and by the 2002 General Election, various politicians and political parties were linked to it.
When Narc came to power, it made headway in fighting it and pushed it out of city and town centres. The cartels that had formed around the matatu business were largely broken.
But it seems that was temporary, a lull before the storm, as recent events have shown.
The sect seems to have taken cover from the authorities and withdrawn to the city and town estates and the countryside. From these hideouts, it intermittently comes out to engage in illegality and make a point.
A few months ago, attempts to break the sect’s hold on the matatu business resulted in the shooting and injury of a senior police officer in the city.
This daredevil buffoonery should worry the security agents and they must once and for all come hard on the Mungiki and its network. As the country enters an election year, the gang will only get bolder.
And why not? Politicians and political parties will be ready to hire their services to intimidate or even eliminate their opponents. The Provincial Administration and the public should form a major plank in the war against Mungiki, cattle rustlers and those who torch houses.
These people must be arrested and made to face the force of the law for only then can wananchi be secure enough to go about their daily chores.
This is the time to test the community policing programme that was launched with a lot of fanfare as a complementary source of security. It will emerge whether security agents and the public have learnt to trust one another and use the information received well and responsibly. The war against crime — its success and failure — will also measure how the recent Office of the President Rapid Results Initiative is fairing.
The American pipe dream
Do you want to go to America? I was asked this question six years ago while sipping a cold Coke at a restaurant on the first floor of the Kenya Cinema building in Nairobi. I remember the hurried “yes” that I blurted out unconsciously.And, now, as I walk down the streets of New York, I realise the complexity and intricacy of the question had eluded me at that point.
Would my answer be any different now? Probably not, but if I had known what I know now about America, I would have made a similar but educated response.
I look into the distance and see the statue of liberty. It represents a woman wearing a crown and carrying a torch in her raised hand. It’s a gift from the people of France after the signing of the United States Declaration of Independence, representing friendship between the two countries.
Most important, it welcomes visitors and immigrants, international students like me, Green Card lottery winners, parents attending their children’s graduation, and couples on their honey moon to America.
I walk through Central Park and feed the birds with rice grain as my mind pensively wonders. Maybe there are a few things Kenyans need to be refreshed on before making that bold move to America; jobs, college, immigration.
Priority would have to go to jobs due to the impression by most Kenyans that America is the land of milk and honey. We Kenyans watch MTV and look at pictures sent by our friends abroad and we get the impression that the streets in America are paved with gold.
I remember my exact words to Mum the day before I boarded the plane. “Mum, as soon as I get to America, I will get a job and send you lots and lots of money!” What I did not know was that, as an international student in America, one is not authorised to work without a social security number.
What is a social security number? A nine-digit number issued to US citizens, permanent residents, and temporary (working) residents. Its primary purpose is to track individuals for taxation purposes.
Now, international students are issued with a temporary social security card which has a stamp saying “Not authorised to work off campus”. This means that an international student is confined to work a maximum of 20 hours a week, doing odd jobs on campus.
So it was to my chagrin when I found myself washing dishes in the college cafeteria while I tried to find a way to explain to my mum why the bucks were not flowing as I had promised.
To beat this system, most Kenyans work odd jobs off campus that are not very strict with the paperwork. These include house cleaning, waiter jobs, caring after old folks, moving boxes, overnight shelf stockers, watchmen, etc.
These jobs are degrading and the only comfort that the Kenyans derive from doing them is that they are able to send money back home to their families, keep enough to help them survive and, for the lucky few, pay tuition.
Green Card lottery winners are the most advantaged in this situation. They automatically qualify for a social security card and have as many rights as the American citizens. The only problem is when they seek a good job.
Most American companies don’t recognise degrees from Kenyan universities and one is either forced to re-enter college and try and transfer as many classes as possible from the Kenyan campus.
Alternatively, one who has a Kenyan degree is forced to take up a master’s programme in a recognised American university. But there are a few recognised institutions in Kenya that could make transition swift, such as USIU or working for the United Nations and some NGOs.
My Kenyan roommate used to work at the New York Airport carrying bags for the arriving and departing passengers. His wages were inconsistent as they were based on tips from grateful passengers and empathisers. One day he came home with a “lost” Kenyan girl. She had just arrived from Kenya and he had found her stranded at the airport.
“Someone from college was supposed to pick me up,” she said in an exhausted voice. We took care of her and eventually got her college.
For Kenyans students flying to America, it is important to verify all the information about who is picking you up and to what address you are going. It’s always an advantage if you know other Kenyans abroad. They can make your stay more comfortable by showing you the ropes.
The tuition fees in American universities range from $10,000 to $30,000 (Sh755,500-2,266,500) a year depending on the status of the university.
Most Kenyan students are awarded partial scholarships and, after the second year, most drop out due to lack of fees. Many students take up odd jobs and the smart ones take part-time classes as they finance their way through college. The Green Card lottery winners are the lucky ones because they qualify for financial aid, which is a student loan repayable after graduation.
Nodding off
Can one work and take classes at the same time? Yes, but it involves a lot of sacrifice. It involves kissing good sleep goodbye. It involves dozing off in the middle of lessons, running home to take a nap in between classes, or doing homework at your workplace.
As a student, I worked all night in a factory doing hard labour. In the morning I would take a shower and rush to class. In the afternoon I would rush home and sleep for four hours and in the evening I would be in the soccer field training with the college soccer team. Life was no picnic; my eyes were always red. This was my new life – my life in America.
Finally, the biggest obstacle to Kenyans in America is the immigration department. Kilonzo, my college mate, wanted to go visit his family back in Kenya.
“I miss them so much!” he said. I tried to talk him out of it because his student visa had expired and he would have to go to the American embassy in Kenya to renew it. “I have been in school for two years,” he said.
What he forgot to remember was that in one of those terms in college, his grade had dropped below a 2.0 GPA, which is lower than a C grade in Kenya.
Needless to say, Kilonzo was denied re-entry into the United States. His life took a tumble down the cliff, from the glamorous America to the ghetto life back in Kenya where he was born. His dreams were shattered, his heart ripped from his body.
The international students’ requirements by the immigration department are very simple; one has to renew his visa before it expires, and one has to stay in school until graduation.
All students have the luxury to drop out of college for a maximum of five months after which the privilege expires. The catch is after college when most Kenyan students suddenly realise they are about to fall from status. They are thus required to go back to their country.
The college issues graduating students with a one-year temporary work permit as a farewell gesture and a key to their new life. It’s very hard for a graduating student to get a job without papers.
American companies in need of accountants, doctors, pharmacists and pilots will issue students with H-1B visas. This requires a sponsoring US employer to file a labour condition application (LCA) with the Department of Labour attesting to several items, including payment of prevailing wages for the position, and the working conditions offered.
The employer must then file an I-129 petition with the Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services (previously INS) and, unless specifically exempt under the law, an additional $500 fee to sponsor the H-1B worker. Based on the bureau petition approval, the alien may apply for the H-1B visa, admission or a change of non-immigrant status.
After graduation, my roommate was in a dilemma. He had graduated with a business administration degree, which is not characterised as a profession worthy of a H-1B visa. What was he to do? Should he get married to an American woman for the sake of getting a Green Card like some Kenyans do? No, he couldn’t do that. He had vowed to get married once. His parents had brought him up on strict African morals and profound ethical guidelines.
One day, while we were sleeping, there was a knock on the door. It was 6 o’clock on a Monday morning. My friend sleepily stumbled to the door and flung it open. Two men were standing outside.
“Is your name Titus?” one asked sombrely.
“Yes,” he replied groggily.
“We are from the immigration department and we have a warrant for your arrest and a deportation order for you, back to Kenya.” My roommate was jailed for three months in America before we could bail him out and raise enough money to acquire the services of an immigration lawyer.
Most Kenyan students abroad are confused as to the way forward after college because they fall out of status. The immigration department receives a report from universities on all international students and they have a right to pick them up and deport them. It is imperative for all Kenyan students to figure out the way forward before graduation. It’s the prudent thing to do. It’s the only thing to do.
So, if someone took me back to the restaurant at Kenya Cinema and asked me, “Do you want to go to America?” this time I would pause pensively and then say, “Yes!” But then I would exhaustively address the delicate matters that would affect my life forever: jobs, college and immigration.
mrobertto@yahoo.com
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