A dream doesn't become reality through magic. It takes sweat, determination and hard work.

Tuesday 23 October 2012

How to spot a KENYAN.


Steps aside instead of resigning

Goes to a restaurant and orders 'nipee kama ya ule'


He always disses a vitz but does not even own a bicycle.


Anaanza kutafuna mifupa za kuku nyama ikiisha


Every strike has to have the song "Mapambano mapambano", and the "Haki yetu" slogan


Marries a chik, loves her, proposes to her and finally pays dowry.


They say 207 when they mean 2007


Turns to the conductor to signal they are about to alight a jav yet theyre seated with the driver.


Acquires an American accent just by logging on the US Government Website.


Sends a please call me or flashes then when you call they ask, we ni nani?


They urinate on the streets,bushes and even on their own beds


The calendar hasnt been flipped since Jan 2012


They have like 10 different cooperate calenders in there living room


Instagrams chapati . Says the Pizza was sooo delicious


They point at stuff with their lips


laughs at a probox owner from inside a tuktuk.


Buying Heineken at Mwauras just to look cool


Reads your newspaper with you in the mat and gets angry when you flip over the page


He's in a suit and timbaland boots


Goes to the stage, mat is 50/= goes to a bar, buys a drink worth 150/= as he waits for fair to drop to 30/=


Sisi kama arsenali tumenunua podolski.


Starts with 'sina mengi ya kusema' and talks for an hour.


He is a defending champion but comes last in the Olympics


wearing yellow plastic shoes, n green skinny pants


Goes to study in India, returns with an accent from America"


He is dead broke after being paid yesterday


Wanakula pombe na kukunywa sigara


You invite them home for a birthday party and they come empty-handed and hungry


Borrows u a pen n they dnt return n if the return kifuniko imetafunwa


Bargains like a student and demands services like corporate


Refers to all brands of detergent as Omo.


Looks amazingly at ol da brands n prices of booze at lifestyle then kams out with bluemoon or kibao


Watoi lazima waende face painting weekend


Refers to a Toyota Hiace as a Nissan


Rela's come visiting and they expect you give them fare back home..


Buys 50bob to repay okoa jahazi dept only to okoa another 50 for use


They are all political analysts and "know it all"


A hero on twitter but a cabbage in real life.


Talks with an American accent but mourns during sex with a kikuyu accent.


The guy making a Ksh 6m deal in a Citi Hoppa


7 followers, 2 tweets and A PROTECTED ACCOUNT


When surprised their first word is "Ngai!"


She shaves eyebrows and draws a black line


Introduces himself/herself by saying "My names are"


Everybody says he/she is an hustler


Goes to a bank for a loan and the first thing he asks the banker,"Nisipolipa mtafanya nini?"


"Usiseme maziwa, sema Pombe."


He/She will own a Land Rover before he is a Landlord


Thinks a pavement is an unused car lane haha...crazy


Goes to a bar healthy walks out blind


Passes through 20th to check out the latest movies then heads down to moi avenue to buy them


He's owed you money for soo long that you forgot and actually borrowed some from him


Puts Avocado in all types of food even crisps SMH.


Eats boiled eggs outside a club after a rave


Buys mineral water once and re-uses the bottle with tap water for 2 months


Cant wait for epl to start to show off their coaching skills kwa bar


Anaeka collection ya chupa empty za mzinga kwa keja.


They have empty perfume/cologne bottles arranged kwa curtain box ya bedroom..


Lift imejaa na bado anainsists on getting in, ati hata mi ntasimama tu


Enters swimming pool,pees in swimming pool.


They fear meeting a police at night than a robber!


When ur car breaks down he gives you car advice on what to do yet he was walking home SMH.


Tea and mandazi for lunch then tootpick in mouth all afternoon..


Will go out at night with no clue how to get home when the event ends


The guy peeling the stickers off his beer bottle.


When driving ataweka mkono ya left juu ya gear, na gari ni automatic.


Spots a celeb then pretends in nthin big then floss wakifika home


Will forward you every message than akuulize kwa nini you are not replying


Create 6-8 lanes on a two lane road


The guy carrying an Uchumi and a Tusky's plastic bag. Coz bread is cheaper in Tusky's and soap's cheaper in Uchumi


You call them to say "Happy Birthday" & they reply "Thanks! You too!"


"Mko na rice na Beef?" Waiter:"Ndio" "Pilau?" W="Ndio", Kuku/Chips ni ngapi? "W= 350 "HayaNilete Githeri"  


When they flash you, its so quick your phone cant remember the last 3 digits. 

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