Tuesday, 30 June 2015
June 30, 2015
Monday, 29 June 2015
By Anne Muiruri; Monday, June 29th 2015
A second wife does not have to deal with the hard-core stuff that a first wife deals with.
Last weekend the strangest thing happened to me. I went on a blind date on Saturday with a man who was a friend of a friend of a friend; and thirty minutes into my date I got my first marriage proposal, but not the kind you are thinking. I was offered the role of second wife.
Apparently, my date had a wife of twelve years and three children, and was currently on the prowl for a second wife.
I can tell you for free that after that second wife proclamation the date took a turn for worse, and I ended up walking off in a huff.
How dare he?
I was so mad and insulted, I mean what kind of man thought that I was only good enough for number two, or that any right- thinking, modern woman would willingly line up to be second and not first?
But after I was done with being outraged and disgusted, I really started to think about it, and I realised that there is a strange paradigm shift that has been taking place on the matrimonial scene of late, with modern and independent women increasingly electing to become second wives.
Personally, I know of two friends, all independent women with their own career and money who happily choose to be second wives.
And of course I judged them harshly; I mean everyone assumes that being a co-wife or second wife to a man is something a desperate woman does.
A woman who is desperate for money, a social upgrade, or better yet desperate to have a man, and any man will do, even one who is already taken.
Basically, polygamy is demonised especially amongst educated women because no one can understand why any self-respecting woman would accept second-wife status.
In fact, most people believe that polygamy was invented by men so they could have more sex, and that women get nothing out of it, and in fact spend their time alone and crying when their man is at the other wife’s house.
However, upon investigation I have come to learn that polygamy is in fact the perfect solution for a career-driven woman, a woman who does not want to sacrifice her life for a man, who has no delusions about her capabilities to be the submissive, subdued and a domesticated superstar that most first wives aspire to be.
An independent woman who has no delusions about taking care of a grown man as if he were a helpless child, all in the name of having a husband.
Part time wife
An ambitious woman whose career and ambitions comes first, but because she needs the security that comes with having a husband and does not really want the responsibility of being a wife, she chooses to be a second wife.
So in essence she is a part time wife, she does not have to deal with the hard-core stuff that a first wife deals with.
As a part time wife, you do not have to cook, clean or care about all the needs of a man because he has someone else who can do that.
You get to put up with the joys and shenanigans of having a husband twice or thrice a week, and after, you get to return him to his other wife and proceed to live like a single woman.
It’s like having your cake and eating it too!
The world has changed loves – that traditional bond or romantic ideology that lead couples to the altar in the past has been relegated to the back seat, these days marriage is all about convenience. What is convenient for you?
“How I made my millions” 29yr old Kisii lady who bought hubby 10 Million Landcruiser shares her story
These are my own words; this is the “Laura Akunga” that I want to introduce to you, this is my life, this is my journey.
My business acumen goes way back when I was 12 years old. I come from a very closely knit family of 6. My late father, My mother, My brother Eric and my sisters Natasha and Olive. I was named after my father’s mother so he always referred to me as “mama yangu” and my mother to date refers to me as “Wapekee” meaning “the special one”. My uncles, Aunties and cousins referred to me as “Nguvu”, Swahili for strength. Allegedly, I displayed physical strength and I was very protective and unafraid to defend myself and my own from my early days.
From a very early age, my parents always taught us the essence of a good work ethic. Over and above my father having a full time job serving as a Senior Civil Servant and my mother having a private practice, we had a family farm in Runda where we reared cattle and chicken. Today Runda is a Suburb, but my siblings and I have very fond memories of Runda when there were batches of coffee plantations and a handful of neighbours.
As it were, in many African Cultures, as a well respected Kisii Elder, owning cattle was not unusual, it was very respectable and admirable. My father reared grade cows in the 90’s and the early years of 2000. I remember my father and my brother looking forward to A.S.K shows to go and bid for costly grade cows which would later be dropped off at our farm.
Between my 3 siblings and I, we each had different responsibilities in the family farm. As my brother and sisters took care of delivering, freezing and packaging the milk to a nearby dairy, I was tasked with keeping the financial and accounting records. This is when my passion for business started.
It didn’t take me long to realize that the cost of producing the milk in terms of buying the cattle feeds, paying the farm staff (and my siblings and I) was much higher than the money we collected from the sales. When I mentioned it to my parents, they challenged me to find a solution to this problem. For weeks, I pondered how we could reduce our farm costs and increase our sales: how could we add value to the milk and charge a premium cost? I knew if I cracked this question I would have my answer. So at the age of 12, with the help of my mother, I enrolled in a small technical school to learn how to make dairy products such as sour milk, yoghurt and cheese which I marketed to find wholesale buyers which I did, mostly restaurants and small shops. To further reduce the farm’s cost of production, we automated the farm operations and even commercialized the cow dung. As Runda became Runda, I bet you most lush gardens in Runda were landscaped using our well processed cow manure. My parents could not have been more proud of me.
As our backyard farm became very profitable, it was time for me to attend Limuru Girls Secondary School and later United States International University (USIU) where I studied International Business Administration in Finance.
Little did I know that by my second year of college, I was about to face the hardest and darkest hurdle of my life. It all happened so fast. My father had just returned from a high level meeting in Perth, Australia with what we thought was a jet lag. His fatigue just wouldn’t go away. In the days to come, we learnt that my father had a bone marrow infection, a form of cancer known as Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. 10 days later, my father, who was my everything died unexpectedly and my world crashed: my father had taught me so many things except how I would live in a world without him.
There I was, 19 years old, fatherless, fearful and afraid. I was in denial, I chose to ignore my loss and not deal with my pain. After all, life had to go on. I was so detached from my emotions, we buried my father during my exams and I scored a GPA of 4.0 that semester, all straight A’s. That is how numb I was on the inside. My mother and my siblings dealt with the pain and loss in their own special way. My boyfriend Mark (now husband) who was studying abroad at the time took time out of his studies to come and help me “deal” with my loss but I was simply not ready to “deal”. I think they wanted to see my cry but I had no tears.
This is when MY PROCESS into entrepreneurship began. I was aware of my loss but all I wanted to do was occupy my time with things to do, noble things, respectable ways to spend my time. I did not give myself a chance to mourn. I wanted to work, to find ways to support mama and my siblings. I had a very brief stint of work and opted to try entrepreneurship with a childhood friend of mine, Shiko. She remains one of the greatest pillars in my foundation. My friend Shiko taught me everything I knew about branding and communications. We later charted independent paths to chase our dreams. I enrolled for an additional concentration in Marketing at USIU to strengthen my skills in corporate branding and marketing services. This is when Benchmark Solutions was registered and born.
I was hurt and bitter. I went to church, but only because my father would have liked that and my mother would be pleased. I felt that God had been unfair. How could He allow that to happen? The Bible said that God never allows us to go through things that we can’t handle. What made Him think that I could handle such a loss? My father and mother built churches, my siblings and I sang in church, we tithed faithfully. Why us? What had we done for him to allow such kind of pain? Today I know that God allows trauma to happen to us so that we can know that HE IS GOD. And this loss was only the beginning of the initiation process for what was ahead of me, best described as “A battlefield”. Little did I know that down the road I would experience more loss, pain and agony and he would still position me and raise me to arrange transactions in favour of African countries, far beyond home, among decision makers and leaders most of whom are twice and thrice my age.
What my father did as a Senior Civil Servant in the Government of Kenya in his 50’s, God wanted me to do in my 20’s as a Young African Woman Entrepreneur in my 20’s. Truly God has a sense of Humour.
I juggled between running a small business and studying. I convinced my mother that I could take care of my education and personal expenses which she reluctantly agreed to. I was working during the day and attended classes in the evening. I had to find accommodation on campus. In USIU, mostly foreign students were allowed to live on campus. This is how I know I am an exception. I had a discussion with the boarding master and he gave me a room on campus. As angry as I was, I was going to take up God on His word, He is never changing right? I needed Him to prove to me that He is the Father of the fatherless.
At the onset, very few companies were willing to give Benchmark an opportunity to serve their corporate branding and below the line advertising needs. For obvious reasons, we were not known, but we pushed on. I was in the office at 6:15am every morning and I left at 6:45 pm, in time for my 7:10pm class. This was my life and hard work never goes unrewarded. I remember when I was sitting for my final paper at USIU, I had an assignment from Bank of Africa. They had mandated my small business to undertake their branding needs in time for a Pan-African meeting that was being held in Nairobi, our contact person was Mr. Godwin, as usual; there was no room for failure and we did not disappoint. I walked into my final paper that was scheduled for 2 hours extremely late, with only 30 minutes left. It remains God’s wonder how I graduated from USIU with honours.
By the Grace of God we were able to deliver and perform well, our client base grew and we had secured several clients, both big and small. I was fortunate to earn a salary that enabled me to meet my financial obligations and retain a team. As a small business, a reputation is all you have, with each and every stake holder. This is when you build a reputation with your suppliers and negotiate credit terms to run a business as you manage your incoming cash payments against outgoing cash payments.
To become a great company, you require a deep understanding of three intersecting circles. Jim Collins’ refers to this as the Hedgehog concept in his book “Good to Great”. These include; what you are deeply passionate about? what drives your economic engine? and what you can be the best in the world at? It took me several years too get my hedgehog concept.
Corporate branding and marketing services was a service that as Benchmark we were very good at, it was profitable too. It was during our provision of branding services that we expanded into foreign markets. It was not a strategic choice that I made to venture into new markets, it was purely client led but very strategic for my small business.
It was Technoserve in Kenya that referred us to their offices in Uganda to try our services. It wasDeloitte who when opening up their offices in Ethiopia gave us an opportunity to serve them in Ethiopia. It was Pan-Africa life and SMEP who set us up in almost every county in Kenya as we delivered their goods to serve them better. It was Pacis Insurance Company who influenced our appetite to do business in Nakuru as we served them during a Golf Tournament. It was Shama Academy who tasked me to visit Nyeri as we served them. It was UNFPA in Kenya who by serving them alongside Ms. Nancy Kalekye in Kenya referred us to their counterparts in Rwanda. It is through USAID in Kenya that we ended up breaking into South-Sudan. It was UNDP and UNODC in Kenya who introduced our services to their counterparts in Tanzania, and all along, Urgent cargo Handling Limited, doubled up as our clients and logistics service providers, shipping our deliveries out of Kenya. The list goes on and on. To date we have served 201 institutions.
My small business grew fast, on the flipside; I was never deeply passionate about this service offering. It was easy to attract clients and genuinely do our level best to deliver on our promise. We stuck at it as I did not know any better. The needs of our clients grew and we decided to find new solutions for them outside Africa. This was when my love affair with China began.
Choose to go. Go where no one has gone before, where no one else will go today. You can go in search of answers; only to find more questions. You might discover something unfamiliar halfway around the world, or uncover something unexpected far closer to home. Sometimes you might need to look back to see how you got here and where you might be heading. And just when you think your journey has reached an end, you’ll be surprised to find its only just beginning. But you’ll keep going because it’s your journey, wherever it goes. #CNN Go There
China revealed to me so much about global business, entrepreneurship, strategic partnerships and growth. For a while, we imported merchandize from China but I kept going back because I felt there was more that China had to offer. As a business, we took on more risks, growing exponentially. I wasn’t paying much attention to the numbers. We even ventured into corporate social investments and gave back to the communities we served in. We began assisting other companies break into new markets and we were great at it. At a personal level, I had accepted responsibilities in several other organizations outside Benchmark, not realizing that I was spreading myself too thin. The industry had taken notice of me and my small business. I remained grounded and gave a hand where I could. Although everything seemed hunky dory, I felt like a fox. I was all over the place, doing too many things. I was always on the move, from one country to the next, not paying much attention to my personal health.
While I was away on official duty, I was involved in a near fatal accident. I lost too much blood. I could have lost my life but God saved me. I was forced to take time away from work to heal. I developed complications in my nervous system that I had to learn to live with. I was wounded, physically and emotionally, I was on the ground, broken, bleeding, feeling defeated, feeling not needed, I felt alone and abandoned on the battleground! I thought I could get well soon. I thought I could get back to my old fierce self.
I had a business to run, clients to serve and a team to lead. What did God have in mind? My health deteriorated, I had several episodes of emergency visits to doctors. The best words that could best describe my life at this stage was chaos. I was a “wounded soldier” and I still wanted to “fight”. I could hardly stand for minutes, I couldn’t feed myself, I couldn’t drive myself because I ran out of breathe. I was too weak to even pray for myself.
My family took the greatest hit emotionally, the uncertainity and worry was overwhelming. My business needed me and was falling apart, I was defaulting on my obligations. I was too embarrassed to let my stake holders know that I was struggling and on medication. I had known what it meant to be on top of my game, and here I was sinking. I felt vulnerable and exposed.
When you are at your lowest, not everyone is praying for you, when you make strides in life, not everyone is clapping for you, not everyone is cheering you on and it is okay. I had angels to guide me, and some who just violated my love and trust. I was down but not out. I refused to lose, I was not built to break, I stumbled but I did not crumble. I said these words to myself over and over again. It seemed like I woke up one day and my ground had shifted. God showed up in my life and I came back swinging. I don’t mean swinging my hips, I mean David and Goliath kind of swinging.
Failure at some point in your life is inevitable, but giving up is unforgivable. Mr. Joe Biden, November 20th 2014
There are changes I had to make in my small business and in my life. ‘When you are dealing with a rotting leg, you do not swallow a pain killer. You chop off the rotting leg’. It’s that simple. My business was bleeding, my obligations were soaring, my regional operations were haemorrhaging, we were under performing on our assignments. I had to make very strategic decisions, I had to CONSOLIDATE andFOCUS. I was done with ambiguity, uncalculated business risks, undisciplined growth. I had no room for failure. I had to pick myself up.
No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. Even when it hits the fan.
I could no longer sustain a brick and motor business model, I had to centralize my business functions. I had to cut down my costs, It seemed reckless to hold on to a $10,000 a month head office. I had to take back control of my small business and regain my physical strength. Tough decisions had to be made. At a personal level, I had to cut down external roles and responsibilities and restructure my small business. I had to learn how to fly again.
I had to downsize my team and retain a very lean and effective team. I shut down functions that we could outsource. We would focus only on what we were passionate about, what made economic sense and what we could be the best at. Our mission is to deliver financial solutions to African governments, banks and private companies with a goal of transforming African economies, one business at a time. We have been entrusted and successfully arranged financial solutions to a tune of over 50 Billion shillings, in favour of institutions such as The Eastern and Southern African Trade and Development Bank,giving us an opportunity to serve in Kenya and beyond. Failure is not an option and by the grace of God we will carry on. It is not by might nor by strength, but by unmerited favour of He who began the good work in us.
They say that a business takes on the personality of the founder and the visionary. These choices ushered Benchmark into a season of Establishment. At a personal level, I found peace, I learnt to accept the things that I cannot change and to do away with baggage. I look back and there are some things that we still need to correct, more changes that need to be made and matters addressed.
I am very fortunate to have a supportive husband, family and friends who have held my hand. I have had institutions such as Bank of America, Vital Voices, The US State Department, African Women Entrepreneurship Program, who learnt about my journey and invested in me, reviewed my business plan, reviewed my strategic plan. I will never be big enough to pay their dues. I may walk in a limp, require some days off once in a while , and carry Neurorubine in my purse, but I am still boss enough to run my business.
In the words of Clare Luce, “ Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. Because if I fail, they will not say she does not have what it takes, they will say women do not have what it takes. ” I look back and I have no doubt, that only God made it possible, and He has positioned me and my small business, although wounded, to transform Africa one business at a time.
Story credits: Laura Akunga
Source: Miss Independent.co.ke
Revelry at a drinking den in Silibwet Trading Centre, Bomet Central was unceremoniously brought to a halt after patrons discovered assorted underwear inside the brew they had been drinking.
The discovery was made when one of the men peeped into the brew while trying to position his drinking straw and saw something that resembled a bra floating in the busaa and alerted his colleagues. But he was told off and accused of being a party-pooper intent on spoiling the good time they were having.
It was not until another person in the group complained that something seemed to be obstructing his drinking tube that they decided to check.
“What are these clothes you people are talking about? What do you think a piece of clothing is doing in a pot of sweet brew like this?” One of them who was already tipsy reportedly stated as he struggled to get up from the tree stump he had been sitting on.
After consultation amongst themselves, the drinkers agreed to pour the brew to confirm what the foreign item in their drink was.
The discovery of a collection panties and bras in the drink hit the drinkers like a thunder bolt, prompting loud protests with some of them demanding a refund.
Attempts by some of them, who were aware of the risk of complaining loudly in an illegal drinking den, to stop their friends doing so fell on deaf ears.
“Let us wait for Mama Kiptoo, she will soon be here with another round of brew so that we can confront her rather than making noise which can alert the local administration,” pleaded one of them in vain as the rest of the group went on the rampage attracting passersby.
Soon members of the public had jammed the joint to see what was going on.
A section of onlookers started speculating about the purpose of the clothes.
“It must be one of the ways to sweeten the drink or even make it stronger for the satisfaction of those who drink,” offered one of the on lookers.
He was quickly challenged by another who dismissed him, saying it is used as charm to get the drinkers hooked.
This is the reason these men always come here to drink their money away as their families sleep without food,” another agreed.
Some of the neighbours claimed that their innerwear had been disappearing mysteriously.
“That red one must be my panty that disappeared last month on the hanging line. I thought it had been blown away by the wind but it looks like Mama Kiptoo used it to sweeten her brew and strengthen her customer base,” claimed a woman in the crowd.
Soon local administrators were attracted by the huge crowd and they alerted police officers from a nearby chief’s camp.
However, on arrival the officers found themselves on the receiving end of public anger when they were accused of failing to stop their husbands, sons and daughters from being duped into buying poisoned drinks.
“You are quick to arrive now yet the brews are sold daily to our children with your knowledge because of your bribe-taking behaviour. Shame on you!” shouted another woman in the crowd.
The illicit-brew dealer reportedly got wind of the happenings at her den and went into hiding.
Attempts by police officers and locals administrators to locate her did not bear fruit.
Members of the public were forced to burn the underwear to allegedly stop the dealer from bamboozling their children into buying her busaa.