Do ashes and herbs make women better in bed?

http://www.standardmedia.co.ke

The question, ‘Do I please my man in bed?’ plagues every woman who discovers her man is seeing someone else. GARDY CHACHA explores the lengths some women go to make their boyfriends and husbands caged.

Looking at her from her perch a few minutes’ walk from a Chinese construction site in Mwiki, you would never guess Nzisa is in her 50s. Her skin still oozes girlish shine.

Nzisa is a ‘plumber’ of sorts who rakes in profits by selling her concoctions to business savvy women who tap income from Chinese nationals. The first time she gained fame was when a friend helped her put up a small ad in the local dailies.

Drippy herbs

When we met, she showed me a short rod-shaped entanglement of drippy herbs that allegedly perform magic on a woman’s vaginal muscles when inserted in birth canals through the night.

“They are tailor-made. I have to examine the client to assess what she will need and for how long,” Nzisa says.

Kanini, her client, is a 29-year-old married mother of one who doubles up as a sex worker for lonely Chinese men. She visits Nzisa every two months to tighten her pulleys.

“My husband is large and stretches my muscles. But I need to make money from the Chinese since they pay well. Problem is, they are ‘small’, which means it can’t work unless I come to Nzisa. This is business and you have to provide quality or they will look for younger women,” she explains.

But it’s not just Chinese men who are fascinated with good plumbing. Young women in the high-end escort business who want to — pardon the pun — maintain a firm grip on their well-heeled clients snap up Nzisa’s herbs, too.

This fascination with tight women reminded me of Harriet, a former college mate who was famous for being svelte and tiny. At the time, five years ago, boys huddled around her just in case they’d be lucky to experience what churned in the rumour mill.

“Even to date, my husband still brags that he married a woman who never grows old. He says it is because I am small — from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. Even though I have a baby, I still feel like a virgin,” she said proudly when we met over a cup of tea last week.

It made me understand why Harriet had demi-god status in college and why men who knew her back then still whistle and shake their heads in awe when her name is mentioned.

But not all women are equally blessed. A gynaecologist explains that pelvic muscles, which to a greater extent control characteristics of the vagina, relax over time as women age, and are stretched during childbirth. In that lax state, they reduce a woman’s libido and hardly satisfy her partner.

While modern scientific methods like Kegel exercises are commonly recommended to increase grip, traditional methods used by bridal aunties who take girls through traditional betrothal schools can’t be wished away. That is where the likes of Nzisa come in.

Tina Awuor knows how expensive it can be to have loose plumbing. She is still heartbroken after her boyfriend ended their relationship a few months ago.

Quarry

But her tears are not as a result of the break up per se, she says. What hurts her is that he got a younger girl whom he wooed by defaming her for being as wide as a quarry.

 ‘Tight plumbing’ is not just a fascination in Kenya. For instance, ‘18 Again’, a vaginal tightening gel currently being marketed in India, promises total reinvigoration of important muscles lining vaginal walls. The gel, which claims to redefine the term ‘women empowerment,’ promises to make users “feel like a virgin” once more.

It’s this urge to feel young again that drove Moraa, a government officer, to Ngara, Nairobi, where she had been told a certain women hawks stones whose ash has rejuvenating qualities.

“It’s a tiny piece of rock, which I bought for Sh100. She told me to crush it and put a little of the ash in my birth canal the night before meeting my boyfriend. But warned me not use too much because it could corrode my vaginal wall. It was awesome I tell you, well worth the effort!” she says laughing shyly.

Amos Opiyo, a middle-aged man with a penchant for naughty winks agrees, saying he has been a beneficiary of herbal plumbing.

“I met this mama — let’s call a spade a spade, she was a hooker — at popular nightclub in the City Centre. She told me she was a divorcee and a mother of two. But I was shocked by how ‘young’ she felt when we went to bed. She was awesome.

“I dated her for two months and spent quite a bit of money on her. I was even contemplating marrying her as a second wife until I spoke to one of my friends who warned that she could be using herbs or some ash to tighten her vagina,” he explains.

Joselyne Wairimu, says women go to great lengths to keep their men from straying, including using lime juice tighten things, remain clean and smell fresh. Others use pickling spices, alum powder, and vinegar to tighten the vagina.

Midlife crisis aside, this could perhaps explain why older men who are happily married can’t seem to stop running after teenage and college girls, some as young as 15 years old.  Others demand for anal sex from their girlfriends and wives — factors that aggravate the spread of HIV and Aids.

Driving along the Thika Road superhighway, “Vaginal Tightening”  adverts litter each lamppost, suggesting that sexual satisfaction or lack thereof, has become more important than food.

But are these herbs and the fine ash ground from the magic stones medically sound?

Dr  Alfred Murage, a gynaecologist, warns that the chemical compounds in these ashes and herbs are unknown and their use could have side effects.

“I would advice surgical options or excercices that are recommended by experts,” says Dr Murage.