By KINUTHIA MBURU living@ke.nationmedia.com
IN SUMMARY
- Her mother, who could have helped Loureen find her father is dead, but she is determined to continue with the search they began 15 years ago
“My name is Loureen Ijeji Wafula. I am 21 years old and looking for my father.
In the past few years, I have been trying to piece together the little information I have about him. Unfortunately, my search has not yielded much. However, I have not given up on knowing and meeting my father.
I would like to share my story with you with the hope that I will be able to find my father, reconcile with him and, most of all, inspire fathers who do not know the whereabouts of their children to go out and look for them. I feel that it is never too late to reunite a family, forgive a loved one, or even know your true parentage and identity.
I am a student in Eldoret town studying business administration. I have a younger sister called Lavenda Wafula. She is six years old. My mother died in October 2010 of blood cancer. Her name was Pamela Amondi Wafula. She was born in 1969 in a family of six brothers and five sisters.
She was the second born. Since her death, my younger sister and I have been living with our grandmother, Zita Zimanji Wafula, in Nalondo, Bungoma County. Before she passed away, my mother told me that my father’s name was Rutere. I once met him in 1996 in Busia town when he came looking for me. Back then, though, I was too young and cannot remember how he looked like. I do not even have a picture of him.
Fell in love
My mother met my father in Eldoret town in 1991. She was employed as a secretary at a law firm near my father’s place of work at the time. Then, my father was working at the Kenya Police divisional headquarters opposite the White Castle Motel. After some time, the two fell in love.
One year later, in 1992 in a small village called Nalondo in Bungoma, Western Kenya, I was born — the product of their love. However, while I was a joy to both my parents, their relationship did not last. I am told that they broke up in 1995 shortly before they got married.
Apparently, my mother found out that my father was already married. Although Rutere wanted to marry her, my mother declined, saying that she was not ready to become a second wife. My auntie, Maureen, tells me that my mother did not want to ruin another woman’s home.
A year after falling out with my father, my mother resigned from her job in Eldoret and moved to Busia with me. Although they separated, I believe that my father still came to visit and see me when I was a baby. I am told he even got pictures of me.
After our relocation from Eldoret, he tried looking for us and eventually found out that we were in Busia. In 1996, my auntie tells me, my father came looking for us in Busia. At that time, my mother was employed at a law firm called Balongo & Co Advocates, as a secretary.
My father brought one of my pictures. He said that he wanted to take me with him since I was his responsibility. He offered to match whatever price the elders of my mother’s clan would quote to be allowed to take me with him.
Financially stable
However, my mother refused to give me up, telling him that she was financially independent and was able to comfortably take care of me on her own. That visit was the first and last time that my auntie ever saw my father. I am told that he is a tall and brown man.
I do not know if he has tried to look for me again. I doubt that he knows that my mother has died. They lost contact after that final visit and shortly afterwards, my father was transferred to the CID headquarters in Nairobi.
He stayed there for a short time, then requested a transfer to Chogoria, Meru, where his father and family lived, I have learned.
At some point, when growing up, I began to ask my mother about my father and where he was. My mother was not keen to tell me any details regarding him. I guess she was still bitter about him. But she never openly rebuked me and would often respond with a word or two, like:
“Unataka kumjua babako? Utamjua tu!’ Years would pass and I would wonder if she would ever tell me about him. I questioned and sulked a lot over him.
Although my mother had not bothered to look for him or seek his help in bringing me up, she finally budged in 1998, perhaps due to my constant pressure. We travelled to Eldoret and went to the police station where he used to work.
Transferred to Nairobi
She was told that he had been transferred to Nairobi. When we left, she sat me down and told me not to ask her anymore about his whereabouts since I had heard from the police that he had been transferred from Eldoret and she did not know where he was.
I was just six years old and could hardly comprehend what had transpired in her conversation with the OCS. My auntie tells me that a telephone call was made to the Nairobi CID offices and it was confirmed that he had been transferred to Meru. Although I have not seen or heard from my father, I have not given up on finding him.
Last year, I began my search from where we had left off with my mother 15 years ago. In August, I visited the Eldoret police station and asked the OCS if he could tell me where he was transferred to in 1996. I hoped that since they knew where he had been transferred to, they could probably give me a lead.
I would then go to the next station and the next, trying to trace him until I finally found him. However, my dream took a nosedive after the OCS said the station had discarded all transfer documents to stop them from piling up in the office. He said he could help me and wondered aloud why I would bother looking for someone who was never been there for me all those years. He advised me to stop looking and move on with my life.
Although many of those I have shared my quest with share his opinion and say that I am now a big girl who should not bother looking for an absentee parent, I feel that deep down I am not a big girl. It is not easy as it may seem from the outside. We all need to know where we belong.
I would not want my own child to grow up not knowing who his or her father is. I am told that my father is now around 49 years old.
Maybe you are reading this and you think that you know my father or know where he is or where he works. Maybe you also do not know where your son or daughter is. I hope that you can go out and find them, for they may be dying to meet you, just as am itching to meet my own father.
I am aware that my father has a family and children to take care of. I do not want to come between them and I hope that they will understand where I am coming from. All I want is to see my father one more time. I know that sharing my story will not guarantee that I will find him.
I know that there is a real possibility that I will be disappointed. And yes, I will be disappointed if I fail to find him. But I will not allow such fears to override my determination, courage, and optimism. I will not give up.
I know that he is somewhere out there, perhaps wondering if he will ever see me again, perhaps looking for me as well and wondering what I like doing. Dad, I like cooking, reading novels, and singing. Dad, if you are reading this, I want you to know that I miss you so much and I am dying to see you again. I want you to see how big your girl has grown. I have so much to share with you. Please reach out and meet me halfway.
Finally, I found my father; my heart is at peace now
PHOTO | JOSEPH KANYI Loureen says that she’s overwhelmed by the reception she received from her father and his family. NATION MEDIA GROUP
By KINUTHIA MBURU kinuthiamburu@gmail.com
IN SUMMARY
- Last week, we published Loureen Wafula’s story, the 21-year-old who has been longing to meet her father since she was six years old. She found him
”For 18 years, Loureen Wafula believed that finding her father was one of those far-fetched dreams that could never come true. But on Friday last week, just a day after telling her story in this magazine, Loureen was finally reunited with the father she had longed to meet since she was six years old.
“I dreamt about finding him, but I didn’t think that he would want to meet me, especially after telling my story in a national newspaper. I feared that he would reject me or feel embarrassed about admitting that I was his child,” Loureen told us a few hours after meeting her father, George Rutere Mutegi, a policeman in Chuka, Meru.
The journey to their joyous reunion began on Wednesday morning last week, when Living received this email from a reader called Andrew: “I happen to know Rutere, whom you have referred to in your story. He is a police officer in Chuka town, Meru. I have called him and he has confirmed the details given by Loureen. He is very eager to reach his daughter.”
A few minutes later, we received a second email from Fridah Ngaku, who said that she was Rutere’s niece. “The man Loureen is looking for is my uncle,” she wrote. “He often talks about her, and even has a picture of her.” She then gave us Rutere’s phone number and asked us to call him.
When we called him to ascertain that he was indeed the 21-year-old’s father, he said that he was. We had asked him to travel to Nairobi the next day, so that he could meet Loureen, but he had a better idea — why not have her travel to Chogoria so that she could meet his family?
Destiny
The journey to Chogoria began on Friday morning outside the Nation Centre. Loureen, who had travelled from Eldoret the previous day, was accompanied by her aunt, Maureen Maraka. Loureen’s father must have called about five times during the journey to ask where we were, and if we were about to arrive.
“We were all so anxious and eager to see her. The distance felt longer than it should have been, and we wondered when she’d arrive,” Rutere told us when he composed himself after meeting his daughter.
We arrived at Chuka police station at 3pm, where Rutere’s colleagues had organised a reunion party. Rutere’s wife, Lucy Karimi, sisters, cousins, uncles, his fellow police officers, friends, and neighbours were gathered at the compound to welcome Loureen.
Several onlookers choked back tears as father and daughter stood facing each other, the tension almost palpable for the few seconds that preceded their taking a step towards each other for a tight embrace.
The phone call that changed my life…
Rutere says he had just arrived home on Wednesday morning after night shift when he got a call from a colleague on duty, who said that a girl who resembled his daughter was in the newspaper he was reading.
“Excited and anxious, I immediately left for the office, but even before I got there, my niece, Fridah, called and told me that my daughter was in the newspaper, and that she was looking for me.”
The 49-year-old father-of-four other girls says that when he saw the picture of the daughter he had last seen 18 years ago, he cried.
“She had grown so big,” he said.
Fridah would later tell us that her uncle often talked about his daughter “in western Kenya”.
“We all knew that he had tried to find her several times, but was unsuccessful,” she said.
The long search
After falling out with Loureen’s mother, Pamela Amondi Wafula, in 1995, Rutere says that he tried to take Loureen with him, but her mother refused.
“I was already married and had a daughter when I started dating Loureen’s mother. But initially, I didn’t tell her this. When she found out, she was understandably angry and hurt and decided to end our relationship,” Rutere explains, adding that he offered to marry her, but she turned him down.
Shortly afterwards, he was transferred from Eldoret to Nairobi and the two lost touch.
Rutere says that he travelled to Busia to see Pamela and Loureen three times after his transfer, to attempt to negotiate visiting rights.
“I still felt that even though Loureen’s mother and I no longer had a relationship, I needed to play a role in my daughter’s upbringing. During my third visit, however, I learnt that Pamela had moved to another town. Unfortunately, no one knew which one.
“After that last disappointing visit, I thought that I would never see my daughter again. I remember looking at her picture and thinking, ‘Mami, nimekupoteza,’ (I have lost you my daughter).”
Rutere says that a few months after Loureen’s birth, he told his wife about his relationship with Pamela and that he had a daughter, even though he had no idea where she was. He even showed her the only photograph he had of the baby.
“Understandably, my wife was not happy when she learnt that there had been another woman, but with time, she let go of the past and even informed me that she would accept Loureen as her own should I ever find her,” he says.
Lucy, Rutere’s wife, was among the people who welcomed Loureen home.
Rutere says that there is no joy that can compare to being reunited with his daughter.
“I am glad that finally, I have found my girl. I cannot trade this joy for anything.”
He says that this time, he will not lose Loureen or let anything come between them.
“It is not easy to get a second chance in life. Reuniting with my daughter is a miracle that I cannot afford to take lightly. I have so much lost ground to cover and many parental gaps to fill. I will embrace the responsibility and do what I can to support and be there for her. I am grateful that my wife, Lucy, and my children have stood with me and encouraged me to do this.”
Courageous
Rutere says he feels humbled at his daughter’s courage to find him.
“My girl is courageous, that’s why she was not afraid to tell her story to the world. Few would do that.”
He says that the thought of shying away, declining to respond to Loureen’s quest, or denying that he was the father she was searching for never crossed his mind.
“Denial would have been the easy way out, and maybe there are some in a similar situation who would choose it to shield their families. My case is probably different because I wanted her in my life from the first day she was born. Loureen is my daughter and I am proud to be her dad. She has never been a secret to my family.”
A happy Loureen says that now that she has found her roots, she is hopeful that she will be able to relate well with her father, step-mother, and siblings.
“I do not want this reunion with my father and my newfound family to be just a satisfaction of paternal curiosity. I want to bond with
him and his family… to belong.”
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